Merlin thinks he uses “ass” a lot:
1. metric assload (n.) – a lot
2. asshat (n.) – willfully ignorant person
3. assy (adj.) – unacceptably low-quality
4. big-ass (adj.) – large
5. asstacular (adj.) – really bad
Tag Archives: humor
We’ve moved our call centers to Elbonia
Needed some help with a Linksys router last week and wound up talking to a lady in Punjab or Kandahar or some such place. I could live with the 5 second delay on the satellite/phone hook-up but her English was just slightly better than my Punjabie.
Gave up on the Linksys router and purchased one by Netgear. I found myself reading the back of the box to see if there was any mention of where their tech support folks are located. I think that would be a strong selling feature. I’d pay more for a product if I knew I’d be speaking to someone in the U.S.A.
Prayer from School of Rock
All right, let’s pray.
God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass.
We are your humble servants.
Please give us the power to blow people’s minds with our high-voltage rock.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Now, let’s get out there and melt some faces!School of Rock
Five more proposed pieces of legislation supported by Mr. Bush (5ives)
1. Protection of Words Fewer than Three Syllables Act
2. Bill to make the “High Five” the US’s official greeting
3. National ‘Everybody Wears Jeans’ Day (March 14th)
4. The “Pretty Girls Shouldn’t Act All Stuck Up” Amendment
5. Presidential proclamation that “California Must Apologize to Jesus (and It Has to Sound Like They Really Mean It)”
5 good responses for telemarketers or collection agencies
Merlin, lives in San Francisco, California where he “drinks coffee and listens to Canadian power pop” and makes lists. Let’s add Merlin to the list of people I’d like to know just a little bit.
1. I’m sorry, but what does this have to do with human sacrifice?
2. Seriously, will you still be this interested in me after we’ve dated for a while?
3. Would you be able to tell if I were defecating right now?
4. I am French. Your money means nothing to me.
5. I can smell your panties through the phone.
If lawyers are disbarred…
“If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed (and eventually disfigured) and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose. As a student, I spent all my time wishing to be detested and degraded.”
— 3Bruces
“Enlarged prostitute”
Those watching the closed captions on the 6:30 p.m. Tuesday feed of Peter Jennings’s “World News Tonight” were informed that Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan was “in the hospital for an enlarged prostitute.” Apparently the typist hit the wrong key, or keys. Greenspan was home recovering Wednesday from prostate surgery, said his wife, NBC correspondent Andrea Mitchell. As for that “enlarged prostitute,” Mitchell told us: “He should be so lucky.” (Lloyd Grove – Washington Post) By way of Shop Talk.
Wanted: white male boxer
Thanks to Terry McVey for spotting this classified in The Daily Dunklin Democrat (January 19, 2003). If you missed it, it’s the edition with the story by Buddy Winkle on professional wrestling, featuring James Arness and Psycho.
Moon over Kennett
My original idea for a blog was to persuade half a dozen of the more interesting people I know to jot down a few lines every week or so and I’d post them here. It required more organization than I could muster.
Last week I received an email from one of The Six that perfectly captures my original idea. My friend had taken a photograph he had to share. Now, you either get butt-crack humor or you do not. I would have guessed there were lots of websites dedicated to this phenomenon but a Google search didn’t reveal much.
For me the best part is the image of my friend coming out of his office, spotting the photo-op, racing back in to find and load his camera, then dashing back to the street to take the picture. That requires a… joie de vivre that’s very rare, in my experience.
As I thought about my original concept I became mildly depressed that I could only come up with six interesting friends. After receiving the butt-crack photo, I consider myself fortunate to know that many.