Co-worker David says he missed some of the best parts of this call before he got the recorder going.
Tag Archives: humor
What did you do today? Nothing.
Just stumbled across this wonderful comic strip. I don’t know what percentage of American’s wind up in nursing homes but we all fear it. At least I do. Even the best nursing home is not a good place. Or so I concluded after my experience with my father (shudder). And by the time “they” have to put you in the home, you’re too far gone to blow your brains out or over-dose.
My standing joke has been: “Just make sure they have broadband.”
Your money or your life
My friend Sunny insists this is a true story: A man committed a series of armed robberies in Liberty (Missouri) this weekend. However one of his attempts was aborted. He went into a CiCi’s Pizza and crowded in front of a bunch of kids to tell the guy behind the counter that it was a robbery and to turn over all the money or he would be killed. The counter guy said that surely the robber wouldn’t do that in front of a bunch of kids. The would-be-robber restated that he was serious, it was a robbery and that he would kill the counter guy unless he turned over all the money. The counter guy then said, “Dude, I’m thiry-one years old and working in a pizza joint. My life can’t get any worse, so do what you have to do.” The robber left emty handed.
Scariest Halloween Costumes
“The Littlest Prisoner at Abu Ghraib. Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade in this recreation of the Abu Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal’s most indelible image. As an added bonus this easy-to-make costume will remind everyone on your child’s trick-or-treat route of our national shame! Simply roll a cone from a sheet of 24″x38″ black cardstock, making sure to cut out a hole for the face. Drape with two yards of black felt, and add leftover wires from your last lamp-rewiring project. Voila! So easy, so quick, and so terrifying!” [TheStranger.com via Boing Boing]
Five ass-related words (5ives)
Merlin thinks he uses “ass” a lot:
1. metric assload (n.) – a lot
2. asshat (n.) – willfully ignorant person
3. assy (adj.) – unacceptably low-quality
4. big-ass (adj.) – large
5. asstacular (adj.) – really bad
We’ve moved our call centers to Elbonia
Needed some help with a Linksys router last week and wound up talking to a lady in Punjab or Kandahar or some such place. I could live with the 5 second delay on the satellite/phone hook-up but her English was just slightly better than my Punjabie.
Gave up on the Linksys router and purchased one by Netgear. I found myself reading the back of the box to see if there was any mention of where their tech support folks are located. I think that would be a strong selling feature. I’d pay more for a product if I knew I’d be speaking to someone in the U.S.A.
Prayer from School of Rock
Reply
All right, let’s pray.
God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass.
We are your humble servants.
Please give us the power to blow people’s minds with our high-voltage rock.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Now, let’s get out there and melt some faces!School of Rock
Five more proposed pieces of legislation supported by Mr. Bush (5ives)
1. Protection of Words Fewer than Three Syllables Act
2. Bill to make the “High Five” the US’s official greeting
3. National ‘Everybody Wears Jeans’ Day (March 14th)
4. The “Pretty Girls Shouldn’t Act All Stuck Up” Amendment
5. Presidential proclamation that “California Must Apologize to Jesus (and It Has to Sound Like They Really Mean It)”
5 good responses for telemarketers or collection agencies
Merlin, lives in San Francisco, California where he “drinks coffee and listens to Canadian power pop” and makes lists. Let’s add Merlin to the list of people I’d like to know just a little bit.
1. I’m sorry, but what does this have to do with human sacrifice?
2. Seriously, will you still be this interested in me after we’ve dated for a while?
3. Would you be able to tell if I were defecating right now?
4. I am French. Your money means nothing to me.
5. I can smell your panties through the phone.
If lawyers are disbarred…
“If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed (and eventually disfigured) and dry cleaners depressed? Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose. As a student, I spent all my time wishing to be detested and degraded.”
— 3Bruces