A friend of mine, who happens to live in Kennett, Missouri, received a call from a woman this week but couldn’t hear her because of the chainsaw in the background. She said “Excuse me, I’ll go outside.” When he asked about the chainsaw in the house she explained “I needed something fixed and his skillsaw was broke.” Makes a guy homesick.
“a virtual, centralized grand database”
“Every purchase you make with a credit card, every magazine subscription you buy and medical prescription you fill, every Web site you visit and e-mail you send or receive, every academic grade you receive, every bank deposit you make, every trip you book and every event you attend all these transactions and communications will go into what the Defense Department describes as “a virtual, centralized grand database.”
From a William Safire Op/Ed piece in the NY Times.
Tell your friends
Did I mention that Barb built a house in Destin, Florida? Well, she did and it’s for rent. Great for family reunions if you’re into that kind of pain. A better plan might be to get some friends together (there’s three bedrooms) and split the cost for a week. You can check it out at AmberjackLanding.com. I’m through with getting shitty service in over-priced hotels in places I didn’t want to go to in the first place. My vacations will all be “One cold drink from the beach.”
Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel
I’ve spent the last few minutes of the last few nights on my back laughing so hard tears trickled down to my ears. I’m highlighting my way through Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel by Scott Adams.
“You can ignore almost everything that is asked of you and in the long run it won’t matter. Either the tasks will become moot or your boss will forget what he asked you to do, or someone else will do it.” Or, “If you stall long enough, every corporate initiative ends, even layoffs.”
I particularly enjoyed the description an encounter with a salesman for a local radio station that was trying to convince Adams to buys advertising for the resturant he co-owns. Adams asked the sales person how many listeners the radio station had.
“The sales weasel explained, ‘You have to spend money to make money.’ I pointed out that he probably knew the number of listeners and that I could decide on my own if it was worth knowing. The weasel responded by explaining how many human beings lived within listening range of his station, i.e. weaselmath. I asked how that mattered if they weren’t actually listening, just potentially listening.”
“Then he explained that it’s much more expensive to advertise on other radio stations on a cost-per-relevlant-listener basis. I asked how he knew that if he didn’t know how many listeners he had.”
“He explained to me that some of my competitors were advertising on his station and they must be getting some benefit or they wouldn’t be doing it. I pointed out that most of my competitors weren’t advertising on his station and if not advertising wasn’t working, they wouldn’t be doing it. It wasn’t a good meeting.”
God help us if radio listening ever becomes as brutally measurable as the Web.
Enough Rope
Enough Rope is a collection of “short fiction” (not sure how this differs from short stories) by Lawrence Block. He manages to write about death without bumming me out. Favorites include Batman’s Helpers; The Merciful Angel of Death and Out the Window. Ed Gorman writes a much better review of the collection.
Relaunch Learfield.com
After months of planning and hundreds of hours of work, we re-launched the corporate website at 5:00 a.m. on November 1. On time and only a little over budget. The look and feel is the work of a very talented designer named Kory Johnson. Her style is very sleek and clean.
Everything beneath the hood was created by Gestalt, Inc. Chief Knowledge Architect Andy Waschick has spent so much time on our sites that he’s had no time for his own. He has a blog but it’s a sometimes dark and forbidding place that I dare not send you without his permission and note from your mother. Having Andy build your website is like… having Thomas A. Edison wire your home. It’s likely to take a little longer because he’s always creating and inventing and staying up all night in his workshop building a garage door opener before you have a car (or they’ve been invented). Somewhere along the way I stopped asking, “Would it be possible…?” because nothing is impossible for Andy.
The next phase for Learfield.com will be the development of a company-wide intranet. The thought of really connecting all of the employees in our company can be a scary one for some of our managers. Do we really want everyone to be able to communicate with everyone else? Do we really want them to be able to communicate with our customers and business partners?
Twenty-four Years
If you only make one correct decision in your life, finding the right partner is the one to make. Barb and I got married 24 years ago today. The ceremony was held in her parent’s living room and took about 15 minutes. I wore a sportcoat and tie, Barb a nice suit. After the ceremony the minister rode off on his bike and we went out to the patio where most of our friends were listening to the MU football game. We guzzled beer all afternoon and then went home to change into our costumes for the annual Halloween party/reception. Barb and I dated for six years before we made it official, so we’ve been together for 30 years. Not one real argument in all that time. I have never been nagged about anything, large or small. Up until “My Big Fat Greek Wedding,” (she liked it, I left after 10 minutes and went across the hall and watched Triple-X) we agreed on almost every movie we ever saw. We like and read the same books. She thinks I’m funny. I think she’s the kindest, most even-tempered person I’ve ever met. Another 30 would be just about right.
Born, not made
I’ve been thinking about work place dynamics a lot lately. Managers, employees, bosses, leadership, morale. For most of the past 30 years I was part of “the management team.” A couple of years ago I worked my way back down the corporate ladder so that I have several bosses (instead of one) and nobody calls me boss. The two most significant results of this devolution are I don’t get invited to lunch as often as I used to and life is much sweeter.
During the peak of my Management Years I read books and attended workshops and seminars and took it all very seriously. Most of it was bull shit. I stopped all that after reading my first Dilbert book. Scott Adams describes The Boss this way:
“His top priorities are the bottom line and looking good in front of his subordinates and superiors (not necessarily in that order). Of absolutely no concern to him is the professional or personal well-being of his employees. The Boss is technologically challenged but he stays current on all the latest business trends, even though he rarely understands them.”
Most managers don’t have any idea how they’re doing because they look to their boss for feedback instead of the people reporting to them. Looking back (and maybe a little ahead, too), I think the difference between good companies and great companies is that good companies have good leaders…and great companies have great leaders. Nothing wrong with being a good leader or working for a good company…but it’s a little harder if you’ve ever worked for a great leader at a great company. And don’t let anybody shit you…great leaders are born. They’re not made. And the men and women down in the trenches can tell the difference in an instant.
Older than I feel.
I started an excercise program about 14 months ago. Membership at fitness center, personal trainer, the whole deal. I can do 50 pretty good push-ups now and feel great. Last week Traci (the trainer) suggested I let them do a series of tests to determine my physical age (compared to my chronological age). The clock says I’m 54 and I slid in at a cool 48. And, if I’m willing to live like Lance Armstrong, I can take that down to about 30. Call me skeptical. I think we’ll shoot for 45.
The only safe place.
Brother Blane writes from Indonesia: “Just wanted to let you know we are all OK here. Seems like Indonesia just can’t stay out of the news. We don’t feel at all threatened here, but then I guess you never do until the terrorists strike. It is total madness. As I read about the sniper in the D.C. area I am reminded that the only safe place is to be where God wants you to be.”