Tag Archives: humor
“Drunk Bitch Friday”
Lex & Terry’s regular Friday morning “Drunk Bitch Friday” feature (on University of Florida-owned WRUF-FM) leads the Gainesville school – concerned about student alcohol abuse – to at least temporarily drop the syndicated duo’s Friday show. The idea is to derive some entertainment from a women who’s driven – by a sober friend – to the studio for a live interview. Lex & Terry also drop in reminders about not driving drunk. They’ve recently started calling the feature “DBF”, by the way.
Nonsense Generator
Gosh, one stringent caterpillar vivaciously haltered together with this nefarious bandicoot. Wow, that tarantula is much more indignant than one repulsive cat. Oh my, one ambidextrous leopard frenetically gurgled in front of the zealous boa. Dear me, one goose is far less absentminded than the various man-of-war. Gosh, this wolverine is far less attentive than some pesky bandicoot. Nonsense Generator
Call me Omar
A Sioux City man convicted of first degree murder in connection with a drug-related slaying will NOT get a new trial. Omar Rasheen Wilkins asked for a new trial because the prosecutor kept calling him “O-J” during the trial. The justices on the Iowa Supreme Court say the prosecutor’s conduct is “clearly subject to criticism” but probably did not affect the jury’s verdict. The justices also point out Wilkins’ own attorney slipped and called him O-J once during the trial, too.
Chimps with whoopie cushions
I’m sorry about the guy that got his face, foot (and balls) ripped off by the monkees… but I find chimps in TV commercials hilarious. Honorable mentions: FedEx (We don’t get French benefits?) and Dairy Queen (MooLatte).
I am not a machine!
Co-worker David says he missed some of the best parts of this call before he got the recorder going.
What did you do today? Nothing.
Just stumbled across this wonderful comic strip. I don’t know what percentage of American’s wind up in nursing homes but we all fear it. At least I do. Even the best nursing home is not a good place. Or so I concluded after my experience with my father (shudder). And by the time “they” have to put you in the home, you’re too far gone to blow your brains out or over-dose.
My standing joke has been: “Just make sure they have broadband.”
Your money or your life
My friend Sunny insists this is a true story: A man committed a series of armed robberies in Liberty (Missouri) this weekend. However one of his attempts was aborted. He went into a CiCi’s Pizza and crowded in front of a bunch of kids to tell the guy behind the counter that it was a robbery and to turn over all the money or he would be killed. The counter guy said that surely the robber wouldn’t do that in front of a bunch of kids. The would-be-robber restated that he was serious, it was a robbery and that he would kill the counter guy unless he turned over all the money. The counter guy then said, “Dude, I’m thiry-one years old and working in a pizza joint. My life can’t get any worse, so do what you have to do.” The robber left emty handed.
Scariest Halloween Costumes
“The Littlest Prisoner at Abu Ghraib. Your child will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade in this recreation of the Abu Ghraib prisoner-abuse scandal’s most indelible image. As an added bonus this easy-to-make costume will remind everyone on your child’s trick-or-treat route of our national shame! Simply roll a cone from a sheet of 24″x38″ black cardstock, making sure to cut out a hole for the face. Drape with two yards of black felt, and add leftover wires from your last lamp-rewiring project. Voila! So easy, so quick, and so terrifying!” [TheStranger.com via Boing Boing]
Five ass-related words (5ives)
Merlin thinks he uses “ass” a lot:
1. metric assload (n.) – a lot
2. asshat (n.) – willfully ignorant person
3. assy (adj.) – unacceptably low-quality
4. big-ass (adj.) – large
5. asstacular (adj.) – really bad