Young Tommy Edison’s devoted mother … could not have known that a chance encounter with a street vendor in Cincinnati, where she had taken Tommy to attend an ELO concert, would spark a 70-year love affair with the golden, spreadable goodness that would spur her son to greatness.
David is blogging from a different place than you and I.
I stand by my earlier assertion that my friend David is too funny for his job. Offered as Exhibit A, this excerpt from his recent post exposing the role of Squirt Cheese in the founding of this great country:
Jefferson was not only a deep thinker and philosopher, but also an inventor of the first order. Having developed a more effective plow, and the color now known as Yellow No. 5, Jefferson turned his attention to the culinary arts. During late nights at Monticello, discussing politics in his hemp laboratory with George Washington, Jefferson experienced what modern readers would call “the munchies.” Washington, unable to chew effectively with his wooden teeth, implored his friend to invent a softened snack. Jefferson turned his considerable talent toward solving that problem, and soon invented a whipped cheese product that he stored in wooden bottles. A pump mechanism forced the cheese out the top of the bottle, allowing it to be applied to breads, crackers, and pemmican.
If you need further evidence of David’s genius, I offer this: Of the nearly 25 million blogs crawled by Technorati, only 217 include a reference to pemmican. I rest my case.
In June of 2003, I posted a short list of “Blogs I Would Read If They Existed.” Leaving David Brazeal off that list was an oversight but David is easy to oversee. Not unlike Topsy. Tonight I am honored to be among the first to link to David’s new blog, SquirtCheez.
SquirtCheez has a long and illustrious history as a metaphor for the human experience. Homer called it the “nectar of fat and happy Olympian consumerism.” American colonial preacher Jonathan Edwards, in his most famous sermon, noted that SquirtCheez is the only source of sustenance that will explode upon being thrown into the flames of hell.
It’s totally unfair of me to put this kind of pressure on David and I will look like a total dumb-ass if he screws the pooch on this. But gosh darn it, I’m willing to risk it. Because David is part of that tiny, select group I refer to as: TFFTJ (Too Funny for Their Jobs). Please welcome him to the ‘sphere.
Some people have a weakness for porn videos. For me, it’s talking chimps. I’d love to know how this classic bit of humor (video) came to be made. Think about it… someone had to make the little costumes. Build the little set. Spend god knows how many hours shooting and re-shooting this scene. You know it had to be a tedious frustrating process. As funny as this clip is, the out-takes had be funnier.
“Dentists are generally pretty smart and they have the highest suicide rate of any profession. In stark contrast, dogs are goofy and they always look happy. You almost never hear about a dog trying to shoot himself. I know you want me to make a joke along the lines of “Dentists would be happy too if they could lick themselves.” But this is a serious discussion and I won’t have it. Plus that’s why dentists have office assistants.”
— Scott Adams
Marketing genius is getting Napoleon Dynamite (and Pedro) to be spokesmen for the Utah State Fair. You can check out Napoleon’s Sweet Ads here and I’ve saved one here (AUDIO) for posterity. Don’t you just know the out-takes on these were sweet!
George Carlin’s latest comedy special on HBO (Life Is Worth Losing) had some really strong moments and others where I thought he was reaching. The open was Carlin at his best. A pissed-off poet for the 21st century. The all-suicide cable channel didn’t work for me, but he was at his rage-fueled best explaining why our education system will never get any better (3 min video). Recorded live at the Beacon Theater in New York City, this is why you want to have HBO.
Seeing Wayne Newton perform at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas at the height of his career…depressing. Seeing Wayne Newton perform at his theater in Branson, Missouri in the twilight of his career…real depressing. Going backstage with your grandmother to stand in line to meet Wayne Newton after the show…a Brush with Near Greatness for little 12-year-old Lane.
Long-time farm broadcaster Jerry Passer was working at WMT-TV in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in the mid-70’s, when a young Mary Hart came over from South Dakota to do feature segments for the midday news-farm show. Jerry recalls those million dollar gams looked great in the mini-skirts that were popular at the time.
This week’s BWNG is a…melange of brushes with near greatness. As a long-time radio guy, Jeff has met, interviewed or passed on the street…a lot of famous (or once-famous) people. He sat down in the BWNG studios armed with a long list of brushes and we didn’t get to them all.
AUDIO: BWNG #002