My friend David hopes to "eliminate unwanted speaker interference noise and government brain intrusion" with the new iFoil Hat for iPhone
Tag Archives: humor
The Onion: Ennui Gas
WASHINGTON — “Calling it the most effective tool to date in the War on Terror, the Pentagon announced Monday that it had developed a new chemical weapon called “ennui gas,” a nerve agent that overwhelms its victims with sudden philosophical distress over the meaningless tedium of human life and a sinking sense that everything they have ever accomplished ultimately amounts to dust.”
The Onion
Scary Clown Photo #246
Photo stolen from my friend Chuck. And David shares this disturbing video.
Drag racing news vans
I can almost picture the two nimrods behind the wheel. Remember the guy from Groundhog Day?
Learn how to be a cigarette-safe kid
President Bush is proud to present, in cooperation with the Flammable Pleasures division of RJ Reynolds, vital and wholly accurate information that can make YOU a CIGARETTE-SAFE KID!
- Keep Cigarettes Safe from Water! Water causes wetness, and wetness can keep your cigarettes from properly igniting and efficiently delivering scientifically calibrated doses of totally non-addictive nicotine into those sticky little air sacks way at the bottom of your lungs!
- Bedtime Smoking Smarts! After bedtime prayers, nothing relaxes like a cool drag from a hot Winston (brand) cigarette.
- Keep Cigarettes Safe from Breaking! A sturdy and stylish cigarette case is what all the cool kids have!
- Let the Buyer Beware! When choosing an adult to ask to buy you cigarettes at a cruelly authoritarian, liberal-managed convenience store that won’t sell tobacco to persons under 18, make certain never to speak to anyone who looks like s/he might be on the Federal welfare rolls – they will steal your cigarettes, leaving you craving (in a purely nonaddictive way) a smoke ! !
- Remember: Fresh = Tasty! Never forget that an important part of the exclusive appeal of cigarettes is their highly perishable nature; they stay smokably fresh for only three to four hours after their cellophane seal is broken.
- Keep it Clean! If your preferred brand is filterless, your fingers and teeth may become pleasantly discolored by stubborn, yet fashionable nicotine stains.
- Smoke Right, Smoke Safe! As you get older, the way you hold your cigarette will become increasingly important.
[Thanks, Angela]
The Onion: Room: Editorial meeting
In last week’s This American Life, host Ira Glass lived one of my fantasies. He sat in on an editorial meeting of The Onion, “where there’s one laugh for every 100 jokes.”
“They start with over 600 potential headlines for their fake-news newspaper each week, and over the course of two days, in the very tough room that is their editorial conference room, they select 16 to go in the paper.”
Gabe and Max’s Internet Thing
Gabe and Max explain “How to get the Dream Life of Your Dreams Using the Internet.” This is the kind of amateur video that Hollywood should be very concerned about. This is bone dry humor of the first order. Fax us your email address now! [Thanks, David]
Ditch Surfing
Andrew Lear gets tased
As part of his training to become a police officer, our little buddy Andrew had to subject himself to a few thousand volts from a taser. For reasons not clear to me, they video the experience. This clip only lasts 7 seconds but you can watch it over and over.
Rather than go with the department-issue Taser, Andrew decided to spring for something that would make a statement on the street.