Cozy fire. Holiday mix on the CD (Did you know James Brown did some Christmas songs?). Dogs playing with their new toys. Good smells from the kitchen. Santa brought me some nice warm socks, a cowboy shirt and some Tired Old Ass Soak. Barb received a Netflix subscription and some motion-sensor light bulbs. We might break down and buy a new TV after the Super Bowl when prices go down.

Best Christmas post is over at the Dilbert blog: “If you’re reading The Dilbert Blog on Christmas day, your family probably hates you. But that’s okay because I still love you. Have a great holiday. Or failing in that, just hold on until January. You can make it.”

Got an email today from a life-long friend (who happens to be my age) who said something to the effect of “…I only plan to work for 6 or 7 more years.” My first thought was, why so soon. Then I did the math and realized he (and I) will be 63 or 64. Daaaammnnn. Is it retirement time already?

We can’t predict what will happen in the next 6 or 7 years, but I don’t plan to hang it up anytime soon. I think I can do 75 in a walk. Maybe longer. And as long as world continues to be populated by clueless and lazy people, I’ll have something of a competitive edge (I’m not talking about you).

“First National Bank, may we help you?
“Yeah, this is Steve Mays. I’m just checking on my fuck-you money.”
“Hang on a second. (Pause) Yep. It’s all there.”
“Cool. Talk to you next week.”

A coworker came by my office today, held up a little cup, and told me to draw a name. When I asked why, she explained it was for my Secret Santa. I said I’d be glad to contribute some money but didn’t think I wanted to have a Secret Santa. Too late, she explained.

“I sent an email around yesterday and it clearly said to contact me by 5 p.m. (yesterday) if you didn’t want to take part in Secret Santa.”

Seems the Secret Santa program is opt-out only.

“I got a couple of hundred emails yesterday,” I explaind. “If one of them had ‘Secret Santa’ for the subject line, I probably didn’t open it. Can’t I just give you some money?”

“No. Someone already has your name and if you don’t participate, I’ll have to go back to them and have them pick another name,” she explained.

“Uh, what’s involved in being a Secret Santa?” I asked.

“You buy a small ($5.00 limit) gift for your Secret Santa pal each week for the next four weeks,” she replied.

Right. I gave my wife a check for our 28th wedding anniversary. I won’t be searching the mall for a clever gift for a coworker. I came off sounding like an asshole that didn’t want to join in the holiday fun and my coworker huffed out.

While it’s too late to be Jimmy Stewart, maybe I can offer some alternatives to Secret Santa. You could buy a card for the person in the next cube. Or bring in some fudge to share. Remember, it dosn’t matter if they get you a card or some fudge, it’s the giving that counts. But that’s no fun and there’s no…mystery. So how about this: Secret Scrooge.

The SS is chosen by lot. Nobody knows his or her identity. Early in the morning (before anyone else is at the office) on the last work day before Christmas, the Secret Scrooge leaves a sealed note on the desk of coworker, informing him or her that they have to work Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day. They don’t have to do anything, they just have to be at their desk. And — here’s the fun part– they spend that time trying to guess the identity of the Secret Scrooge. Can we count you in? It’ll be fun.

While cleaning up my home office I came across an old spiral notebook that’s been gathering dust for a long time. I flipped it open to take a look before tossing and discovered a journal I kept during much of 1984, my first year at Learfield. Seems I had the blogging bug way back then. I promise not to make you relive 1984, but I might share an entry from time to time.

June 3, 1984

Left Kennett at 7:45 a.m., arrived Jefferson City at 1:15 p.m. Beautiful day, beautiful drive. Coming over the hill just outside of town, saw the city in among the rolling hills. Beautiful.

Went to the office and visited with Jeff Smith. I’m doing my best to keep a good positive attitude, but I’m scared shitless. I honestly believe there’s no one they could have hired who would be any better at this job than me. Anyone would face the same problems I’ll face and I know that I can handle them. Every instinct tells me this is a genuine milestone in my life. The other path was a kind of defeatism. A ‘giving up’ and setteling for less. This is the time; this is the job; this…is…it.

I had forgotten how nervous I was those first few weeks. And my rah-rah, motivational tape approach to things. It seems a little silly now but I think all that stuff helped get me through a few tough spots. See you at the top!