77 trips around the sun
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Category Archives: Steve TV
Junk
I was unable to express why I found these piles of junk so interesting. Fortunately my friend Dave got it immediately.
The video gave me very interesting vibes. I became curious about when each piece had been placed, what the intention was for saving it, and what the area looked like when they placed the first piece. And, which was the last piece added. And what became of the person or people who put it all there. And what will become of it. Will it stay forever? Will it all be taken to a different junkyard? Will archeologists find it all someday?
Everything placed carefully. I can imagine him saying to someone, “are you needing to keep this McDonald’s I’m Lovin’It sticker? May I have it?”
Hand me the remote
Ruthlessly
Playing with photo by Jack Baty
Four chords: High School Heart Ache
I came across a video showing how most pop songs are made with the same four chords. This got me wondering which chords go together so I asked my ukelele mentor, Professor Peter. Knowing my musical limitations, he dumbed it way down. If you want a 4 chord group:
A, F#m, D, E(7) – or
G, Em, C, D(7) – or
F, Dm, Bb, C(7)- or
C, Am, F, G(7)
When I started noodling around with these I noticed each group sounded like every teenage tragedy song from the early 60’s so I started jotting down high school memories. A quick, stream of consciousness list: high school cafeteria; AM radio; drag racing; orange vodka and cherry slo gin; fake IDs; 3.2 beer; drive-in movies; etc. I plugged ’em into C-Am-F-G7 and came up with three verses in search of a chorus.
The cool kids table in school lunch room
The A-M radio, playin’ our tunes
They put my jockstrap on my head
You go too fast, you wind up dead
Some orange vodka after the prom
Passed geometry with help from mom
My buddy Jimmy had a fake ID
But three-two beer was good enough for me
Too hot to neck at the local drive-in
Wasted money on the cherry slo gin
Suzie’s footprints on the dash of my car
You can leave but you can’t go far
I’ll cast these crumbs upon the water in hopes that someone will come up with the chorus.
Random Clips
Reply
Coffee Zone: The Movie
Woman falls out of chair while on the air
Coif Commandos
I have an idea for a reality TV show but before I tell you about it, you have to buy into the idea that the only ‘reality’ in Reality TV is in the genre name. It’s all scripted and rehearsed to *look* spontaneous and off-the-cuff. We good? Great. Here’s my idea:
A team of hair stylists (with support personnel) cruise around in a Winnebago that’s been outfitted as a hair salon. When they spot a woman (let’s call her Bernice) with a really awful haircut (camera zooms and freeze-frames like a Predator Drone locking onto a target), a couple guys leap out, grab the woman and pull her into Winnebago where she’s strapped into a salon chair and handed a Mimosa.
The Coif Commandos (working title) leap into action as the Winnebago goes careening through traffic. A quick shampoo and the colorist transforms that mousy mop from dryer lint brown to a color better suited to the woman’s skin tone. Then the stylist snips and clips and gives her a cut that’s right for her face (and age). The clock is running and so are the commandos. They drop the freshly made over madam in front of Nordstrom’s and squeal away.
(commercial break)
We next see Bernice talking to the cops at the local precinct, describing her horrific experience.
Detective: And you say they didn’t actually harm you?
Bernice: Yes they harmed me! Look at my hair!!
Detective: (glancing at his partner) Uh, it looks pretty good to me. What did it look like before?
(cut to line-up room where the Commandos are under the lights. Some opportunity to go for cheap gay vamping laughs here.)
Bernice: That’s them!
As we segue into the next commercial break we watch a montage of Bernice’s friends and co-workers trying to be tactful as they talk about how much better she looks with her new coif.
(commercial break)
The courtroom scene consists of bitchy but hilarious testimony by the Commandos (“I’m sorry, but bangs at her age? No, no, no.”) and a series of before-and-after images. Don’t really have a good ending because the series depends on an acquittal in every episode.
I think this might be the result of a flashback from the 2003 series on Bravo, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. And my deep conviction that I could improve on most haircuts with a pair of garden shears.
Feel free to run with this pitch as your own. If you get picked up, send me a tee-shirt.