Tag Archives: Scott Adams

Restroom Automation

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Restroom faucets, soap dispensers and towel dispensers are now equipped with motion detectors. Scott Adams is anxiously awaiting the next innovation in restroom automation.

“I assume developers are already working on the last mile: A robotic arm to unzip my pants, grab my unit, then do the holding, shaking, and repackaging. I’m too busy to do that stuff for myself.

The Autopee device (it needs a name) would be problematic because every guy is built different. Somehow it would need to know the dimensions of what’s behind your zipper so it didn’t accidentally neuter you. …You’d also have to tell the Autopee how much shaking you want, ranging anywhere from two quick flicks to a happy ending.”

If you are not reading the Dilbert Blog, you are missing some of the smartest, funniest writing anywhere.

God bless Miss USA!

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Scott Adams asks: “…who would you rather have representing your country – a do-gooder who yammers about world peace, or the hot chick who’s trying to pin Miss Florida against the bar? America is all about freedom, not imposing your views on others. I say let Miss USA be free, like the great nation she represents. If we start restricting Miss USA’s right to party, the Taliban has won”.

Now I’m worried about Scott Adams

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Is it even remotely possible that Scott Adams is reading this blog? In October I offered some thoughts on worry:

We know –looking back– that most of the things we worried about did NOT happen. The really bad shit that happens in life is almost always totally unexpected. Out of the blue (or black, if you prefer). Didn’t see it coming at all.

Today, Dilbert’s dad took the idea up a notch or two:

First, I’m not worried about any problem that we can see coming. If you look at the history of the world, almost any time we thought we knew something bad was going to happen AND we had years of warning, things turned out okay.

I’m just saying…

How to pick a president or a lawyer

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Scott Adams makes a compelling case for why Bill Gates would be a good president (of the United States). If the election were held tomorrow, I’d vote for Mr. Gates without a moment’s further thought. The bonus nugget in Adams’ post was how to pick an attorney:

“I’ve always felt that you should pick a president the same way you’d pick an attorney to help you out of a dangerous legal problem. Do you want the attorney who dresses nicely and belongs to your church? Or do you want the attorney who can rip out your opponent’s heart and put it on the hibachi before he dies? Maybe it’s just me, but I want an attorney who is part demon.”

Of course. Everyone rags on lawyers but when they get in a jam, they want a gun-slinger.

Scott Adams on The Future of Voting

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“I’d also want to see the list of experts lined up on both sides of every argument, along with their political affiliations. If 90% of economists favored one fiscal policy over another, that would sway me. If 90% of recently retired generals supported one method of fighting a war, that would sway me too. I’d also like to see opinion poll results that are limited to independent voters above a certain IQ range who have passed a knowledge test on the specific issue. It doesn’t help me to know that 80% of the ignorant, brainwashed masses support something. I want to know what the well-informed, bright, independents think. That way if I don’t have the time or interest to study an issue, I can still decide to vote with the bright, informed people.” (Posted 2006)