Category Archives: Science & Technology

IT Guys I’ve Worked With

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I found these on Mastodon, a microblogging site I’ve been haunting. The author goes by the handle Sensual Jewish Wizard.

The Dingus: he’s a dingus. Somehow keeps getting work despite being a nitwit. He carries a clipboard, tucks in his t-shirt, has two cell phones attached to quick-release holsters on his belt. Once broke a VGA connector trying to jam it in to a serial port. He added the “Everyone” group to the “Domain Admins” group in Active Directory because he couldn’t figure out how to properly re-permission a shared folder. Names his servers after Star Trek characters and always thinks he’s being hacked.

The Fan: he’s a fan of Firefly. His wife is a fan of Firefly. Has he told you how much he and his wife love Firefly? They LOVE it! He loves Ready Player One and buys stuff from ThinkGeek every week. His Captain America tee is worn out, his Doctor Who TARDIS coffee mug is fading, his Mini Cooper needs new tires. He says “Bazinga!” without a trace of irony and with far too much enthusiasm. He will work a ticket until it is solved but it might mean waiting five hours for him to install a printer.

New Career Cameron: his 22 year old cousin in IT is making double what he is so he switches careers. A “degree” from a night school, a couple of certs, a Milspec Bro attitude with 1/50th the knowledge. Has actually worked outside of IT and knows how to talk to Human People. Is literally fascinated and terrified by any kind of technology that they’ve never heard of (which is almost everything). Innocent, nice, soul still intact and not yet crushed by corporate IT support hell.

The Hecker: laughs at your definition of gender. Dyed hair, an old laptop, a jacket with patches all over it. Roots their Android without a problem and makes the l33t jealous. Loves Linux, advocates for it, helps maintain a custom distro, dualboots into Windows to play games on Steam. Still wears a faded DefCon tee their friend got for them at the 1997 convention.

The Manager From Wisconsin: the whitest creature in existence. Blissfully unaware. Knows a bit about everything but not enough to be good at anything. Calls himself a programmer because he set up his own LAMP box. Works on personal projects at work thinking that no one will notice. Did he tell you that he’s from Wisconsin? He’ll tell you eventually because it’s the only thing interesting about him.

The Support Stoner: always stoned. If not stoned, always looking to get stoned. Always talks about what he was doing while he was stoned. Begs you to let him blaze it up in your car as you’re coming back from lunch. Relegated to service support like remote backups, patch/update deployment and anything where he isn’t communicating with a user or a customer.

The “Not In IT” Engineer: suddenly part of IT because he “knows electronics” and managed to help someone reset their password once. Doesn’t dare reboot any of the (physical) servers because they might never come back. Took home a few of those Dell PowerEdge 2950s that were gonna be tossed because he’ll “figure out what to do with ’em.” A big well-maintained mustache, a pot belly covered by a stripey button-down, a secret leather fetish. Hands more wrinkly than rhino skin and a smoker’s cough.

The Woman: a woman in IT. People say they don’t exist but people tend to be assholes. Has a ton of certs like Milspec Bro but doesn’t brag about it. Talking to a customer on the phone: “Hah yeah I know I’m a woman and I like computers, crazy right?” (she rolls her eyes so hard they fall out) Almost always has to unfuck whatever l33t or Elder God has fucked up. Usually a “little bit country”. Possibly married to a Milspec Bro but knows more than him.

Loud Larry: loud. LOUD. Can be heard through closed doors. Doesn’t know shit but is somehow a customer favorite. Probably better off in sales but he’s too much of a lummox. Secretly has a terrifying temper. Breaks his phone’s headset every other week, has a keyboard so filthy it’s considered a superfund site, is the only one who knows how to administer that one esoteric database used for that one specific thing by HR. Put him in a room with The Brain and a murder will occur.

The One Nice IT Guy: a myth. Doesn’t exist. A shadowy temporary form flitting from l33t 5uPP0rt to Milspec Bro to The Brain to The Elder God. If seen, it quits just as it becomes popular with the office, vanishing forever (and usually replaced by a Milspec Bro).

The Christina: she’s not in IT but she has to work with them. Terms like “gigabyte” and “certificate” and “form-factor” scare her but she’s learning. Cries a lot because her cubemate is The Brain. Very good at what she does but overshadowed by her male peers. Cusses like a sailor and doesn’t give a shit who hears it.

The Elder God: been in IT 30 years but still somehow doesn’t know how to type properly. A beard, but unironic. Hates technology, doesn’t trust WiFi, still uses a Hotmail account, drinks coffee from a mug he hasn’t cleaned since he was the Novell Netware 5 admin at that big government contractor across town. Has seven figures in his bank account but won’t pay more than a fiver for lunch. More than likely he’ll be the IT guy who dies and everyone mourns because he was just there for so long.

Six Month Steve: he’ll last six months at best. Knows just enough to get in to trouble and bail when he has to escalate for the fifth time in two days. Listens to reggaeton and takes the early shifts so he can play Eve Online when no one is around. “I don’t do direct deposits; can I get my paychecks live instead?” Contributes apathy and nothing else. Never remembers anyone’s names because he’ll be there for six months, tops.

The Brain: terrifyingly smart, quiet as hell, always judging everyone. Dressed like Milspec Bro but a little more loosely because his wife probably chose his outfit for him. Gets all the juicy projects but won’t dole out any info to anyone below him. Hates level 1s and 2s with a fury and calls them idiots on conference calls. Usually has a loud Model M keyboard that can be heard the next building over. Crafts convoluted infrastructure naming schemes because it gives him pleasure.

l33t 5uPP0rt: nu-metal tee, faded jeans, possibly a trilby or a pork pie hat. Always says “Micro$oft”. Loves Linux but doesn’t know how to use it. Roots his Android and immediately fucks it up but laughs and says “lol Apple slaves” before going for his seventh smoke break of the day. Always has a nickname because there are so many people with his name in the office. Always level 1 or 2 tech support and always has to escalate because they “don’t know Exchange”.

Milspec Bro: tucked-in polo, pressed slacks, New Balance shoes. Has every possible cert but is always studying for another one. Crew cut, Oakleys, a rocky marriage and light beer. No sense of humor, doesn’t actually enjoy anything at all. Almost always named “Greg”.

Hacking the genome

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“He Jiankui, a genome-editing researcher from the Southern University of Science and Technology of China in Shenzhen, says that he implanted into a woman an embryo that had been edited to disable the genetic pathway that allows a cell to be infected with HIV.” (Nature)

Claim hasn’t been verified but this is exactly what Yuval Noah Harari talks about in Homo Deus (and 21Lessons). The rest of the world might freak out over the ethics of this kind of research but when on country has this tech, they won’t be able to stop it. Do you think some billionaire will care about ethics if she can protect her offspring from some dreaded disease. And how long before someone hacks the genome to make a human smarter/stronger/faster/whatever?

 

Beyond the Bitcoin Bubble

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Excerpts from a really good article by Steven Johnson in the New York Times.

The real promise of these new technologies, many of their evangelists believe, lies not in displacing our currencies but in replacing much of what we now think of as the internet, while at the same time returning the online world to a more decentralized and egalitarian system. If you believe the evangelists, the blockchain is the future. But it is also a way of getting back to the internet’s roots.

After a period of experimentation in which we dabbled in social-media start-ups like Myspace and Friendster, the market settled on what is essentially a proprietary standard for establishing who you are and whom you know. That standard is Facebook.

What Nakamoto ushered into the world was a way of agreeing on the contents of a database without anyone being “in charge” of the database, and a way of compensating people for helping make that database more valuable, without those people being on an official payroll or owning shares in a corporate entity.

If you think the internet is not working in its current incarnation, you can’t change the system through think-pieces and F.C.C. regulations alone. You need new code.

Blockchain metaphors

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As Blockchain gains more acceptance (not talking about cryptocurrencies now but the underlying tech) I’m seeing more and more metaphors that try to help people grasp the concept. This article compares Blockchain to sharing Google Docs, as opposed to bouncing a MS Word doc back and forth. The DNA metaphor didn’t really work for me. My favorite was the transparent safes (from online forum Bitcoin Talk).

“Imagine there are a bunch of safes lined up in a giant room somewhere. Each safe has a number on it identifying it, and each safe has a slot that allows people to drop money into it. The safes are all made of bulletproof glass, so anybody can see how much is in any given safe, and anybody can put money in any safe. When you open a bitcoin account, you are given an empty safe and the key to that safe. You take note of which number is on your safe, and when somebody wants to send you money, you tell them which safe is yours, and they can go drop money in the slot.”

This reminds me of the early days of “the cloud” and how people struggled to comprehend where their files were if they weren’t on their computer.

Telemedicine

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“A partnership between New York-Presbyterian (hospital) and Walgreens is pushing telemedicine further into the mainstream. NYP announced Monday that its physicians will be accessible remotely for non-life-threatening illnesses through Walgreens’ online portal and self-service kiosks at select Walgreen-owned Duane Reade locations in New York. The partnership is an expansion of NYP’s OnDemand platform for telehealth and mHealth services, which was launched in 2016. For $99 per session, patients can visit secure, private kiosks to be examined by doctors via video chat. The kiosks are also fitted with connected devices for examinations, including blood pressure cuffs, forehead thermometers, and dermatoscopes. Doctors can also send prescriptions to the patient’s preferred pharmacy.”

I’m a supporter of this tech trend. My docs for the last 7 or 8 years have been part of the University of Missouri Health Care system and at least half of my interaction has been on a secure online system (that includes all my records, lab reports, physician notes, etc). It’s been great. I still see my doc when necessary. I’ve been dealing with allergy and sinus issues for months and almost all of that has been online. No idea how much time that has saved me (travel, waiting room, etc) but more importantly, my physician.

The robots are here

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“My solution is that all robots must be raised for their first few years in Minnesota, where everyone is kind and generous. I assume there are other spots around the world in which the culture evolved to be unusually friendly. Part of the value of your future robot is where it was imprinted with its base personality. Someday the Minnesota Series of robots will fetch top dollar.” — Scott Adams

“When robots start doing all of the medical research, the speed of discoveries will increase a hundredfold. Robots will simply try every idea until someday there is a cheap pill that keeps your body young and healthy. The government will get out of the healthcare field when the cost of medical services becomes trivial, and I think robots will get us there.” — Scott Adams

“Spofforth had been designed to live forever, and he had been designed to forget nothing. Those who made the design had not paused to consider what a life like that might be like.” — Mockingbird (Walter Tevis)

“At some point the real cost of healthcare, energy, construction, transportation, farming, and just about every other basic expense will fall by 90% as robots get involved. It would be absurd to assume we know anything about the economy in thirty years. Nothing will look the same.” — Scott Adams

“The highest-earning professions in the year 2050 will depend on automations and machines that have not been invented yet. That is, we can’t see these jobs from here, because we can’t yet see the machines and technologies that will make them possible. Robots create jobs that we did not even know we wanted done.” — Kevin Kelly

WTF?: What’s the Future and Why It’s Up to Us

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Author Tim O’Reilly says the central theme of this book is understanding how algorithmic systems shape our society. If that’s what you’re after, I recommend two books by Kevin Kelly: The Inevitable: Understanding the 12 Technological Forces That Will Shape Our Future and What Technology Wants. Then I’d read Homo Deus and Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari. I’m sorry, but Mr. O’Reilly’s ideas just didn’t flow. The book felt… patchy. And he seemed overly proud of his personal contribution to the Internet, to Web 2.0, and a bunch of other “innovations.” I don’t question his contributions but isn’t it better if other folks acknowledge them? Anyhoo, here are some passages I underlined:

Our experience is shaped by the words we use.

Abstractions – the process by which reality is transformed into a series of statements about reality.

“For all practical purposes, there is now only one computer.” — Clay Shirky

The first principle of Web 2.0 was that the Internet was replacing Windows as the dominant platform on which the next generation of applications was being built.

Another key to what distinguished the web applications that survived the dot-com bust from those that died was that the survivors all, in one way or another, worked to harness the collective intelligence of their users.

“Global consciousness is that thing that decided that decaffeinated coffee pots should be orange.” — Computer scientist Danny Hill

Once an event occurs, all possibilities collapse into the one reality that we call the present, and then, in an instant, the past. But even the past, seemingly fixed as it appears, is an illusion constantly updated by new knowledge from the present.

A key lesson for every entrepreneur – Ask yourself: What is unthinkable?

“Apps can do now what managers used to do.” — Finnish management consultant Esko Kilpi

More than 63 million Americans (roughly half of all households) are now enrolled in Amazon Prime. Amazon has more than 200 million active credit card accounts; 55% of online shoppers now begin their search at Amazon, and 46% of all nine shopping happens on the platform.

A company is now a hybrid organism, made up of people and machines.

There are more than 2 million apps for the iPhone and they have been downloaded 130 billion times. App developers have earned nearly $50 billion in revenue.

With the rise of GPS, we are heading for a future where speeding motorists are no longer pulled over by police officers who happen to spot them, but instead automatically ticketed whenever they exceed the speed limit. We can also imagine a future in which that speed limit is automatically adjusted based on the amount of traffic, weather conditions, and other variable conditions that make a higher or lower speed more appropriate than the static limit that is posted today.
One of the simplest algorithmic interventions Facebook and Twitter could make would be to ask people, “Are you sure you want to share that link? You don’t appear to have read the story.

Subscription-based publication have an incentive to serve their readers; advertising-based publications have an incentive to server their advertisers.

We are increasingly creating an economy that is producing too much of what only some people can afford to buy.

“The job” is an artificial construct, in which work is managed and parceled out by corporations and other institutions, to which individuals must apply to participate in doing the work.

“There may need to be two kinds of money: machine money, and human money. Machine money is what you use to to buy things that are produced by machines. These things are always getting cheaper. Human money is what you use to buy things that only humans can produce.” — Paul Buchheit (creator of Gmail)

The rich still live in a world where doctors make house calls and personal tutoring is the norm.

“If you want to understand the future, just look at what rich people do today.” — Hal Varian, Google’s chief economist

In a connected world where knowledge is available on demand, we need to rethink what people need to know and how they come to know it.

More than 100 million hours of how-to video were watched on YouTube in North America during the first four months of 2015.

Who will buy the products of companies that no longer pay workers to create them?