Let’s add V for Vendetta –the new film by The Wachowski Brothers– to the top of my list of Movies I’d Like to Watch with George Bush (GoodNight, and Good Luck; Dave; Mr. Smith Goes to Washington; 1984; Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room). The wonderful vocal performance by Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith from The Matrix) carries the movie. Everyone who is more “terrified” by the people running our country than all the crazies in Islam, take one step forward.

Update: Review by Joshua Tyler, Cinema Blend.

Dear Red States:

We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.
We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

“Dear Red States: A Letter from the Blue”

In an interview with CBS’ Mike Wallace, Russian President Vladimir Putin said “Democracy cannot be exported to some other place. This must be a product of internal domestic development in a society.” Putin went on to say that leaving Iraq without “establishing the grounds for a united country” would (also) be a mistake.

While there’s no reason to take tips on democracy from a former KGB agent, I think Putin is right. My gut tells me that even if we could find and capture every insurgent, and put them on a plane and fly them to say, Mississippi… the good people of Iraq could not or would not cobble together anything you and I would consider Democracy. Never gonna happen.

But in all fairness, I don’t think we could do it again either. Seriously, if we had to start from scratch today, do you think the American people could write a constitution and all the rest? Shiiit. I know I wouldn’t want to live under a government that we’d be capable of forming today. So I thank my lucky stars for our Founding Fathers and hope the government they crafted is strong enough to survive us, their descendants. Like they say, timing is everything.