Category Archives: Personal History

Always connected

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Sitting in the Coffee Zone, slurping some Rocket Fuel, connected to the world. The way it was meant to be. In all fairness, I rarely lugged my Thinkpad around. Just too heavy. Not IBM’s (at the time) fault. I bought one of the heaviest models they offered. No idea why. But on the few occasions I took the thing on the road and attempted to connect wirelessly, it was usually something of a chore. Again, probably not the fault of Microsoft or IBM. I just never took the time to learn how to make it all work. It was too much trouble.

This morning I fired up the new Mac…it saw the open hotspots…I picked one…and here we are. All things in life should be so easy. Why wouldn’t a boy just keep his laptop with him all the time? Stay tuned.

All we need is (another) ending

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I’m probably one of the last to hear about the guy that made a bet with his girlfriend that he could make a website that would get 2 million hits. If he fails, he admits he’s an idiot. If he gets the 2 million hits, his girlfriend will do a threesome with with another girl. The guy is obvisouly not an idiot because the site he created (HelpWinMyBet.com) appealed to every horny geek on the Internet and there’s waaay more than 2 million of those. He’s passed 3 million hits and his girlfriend has conceded defeat. They’re now reviewing applicants for the trois of the menage.

The site looks legit but who knows. When Darin forwarded this link, all I could think of was the screenplay that jumped out of my inbox.

As you know, I’m a terrible casting director but I could see Jack Black (maybe Ben Stiller) as the geeky boyfriend. Perhaps Janeane Garofalo as the girlfriend. Not sure who should play the other woman but here’s my take on the story…

Starts off just like the "real" story. Guy wins the bet and starts putting photos of "other girl" candidates on his website. Which comes to the attention of a publicist for a rock (movie?) star whose career is starting to fade. The flack talks the star client into joining the threesome by putting together a movie deal that will jump-start her sliding career. (We’re talking movie-within-a-movie here, right?)

At first the geeky boyfriend is giddy with delight. He’s going to be in a movie where he has sex with his girlfriend and the star. But the star and the girlfriend become pals. Not lovers, but friends. As they begin to have fun with the whole idea, the boyfriend starts having second thoughts.

As regular readers know, this is where I run out of ideas… and my friend Kay bails me out with three or four really good, boffo endings. But you can play, too. Just click the comments link below.

PS: If this movie has already been made, let me know.

PPS: If this movie ever gets made, how pissed will I be?

PPS: Ooh, how about this. Starving (blocked) screenwriter scours the web looking for ideas. Comes across a blog where this smart, funny guy keeps posting movie idea without endings. The blocked writer is ass deep in good endings…steals the blogger’s plots…and sells them to Big Studio where they bescome megahits. The blogger recognizes his ideas on the big screen and road-trips to Hollywood to confront the (now wealthy) screenwriter. I think we might have two movies here. Any ideas on who should play me?

Mic Flags: Tiny little billboards

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Mic FlagMic flags are those little plastic signs that radio and TV reporters attach to the end of their microphones. It’s a little harmless self-promotion. Let’s the public know that KXYZ News or TV24 was on-the-scene. And we radio guys love it when our mic flag appears on the 6 o’clock local TV newscast or the front page of the Daily Bugle.

Now, our listeners already know we were at the big news conference because they’re listening to us. So the purpose of the mic flag would seem to be to let the TV audience or the newspaper readers know we were there. Isn’t this a little like having one of the newspaper guys come up while we’re recording an audio interview and whispering –just loudly enough to be heard– “News Scene 13!” so it could be heard in the background of our piece when it airs? No? Different somehow? Okay.

So let’s say mic flags are a good thing. How big should they be? The size of a pack of Kools? Bigger? How about, as big as possible and still fit in the little satchel with my recorder?

You see? This is why I’m not running a business. I’m terrible at self-promotion. I hate tooting my horn. And I really hate tooting my horn at someone else’s recital.

Who gave you your first cigarette?

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As I drove back from lunch today, it seemed every other driver was smoking. Doing that little ash-flick thing out the open windows on a warm spring day. I found my self wondering how they all got started. Did they just decide one day to go to the convenience story and buy a pack of smokes? Or did someone give them that first cigarette? That seems more likely. A friend, maybe?

Maybe your brother or sister gave you your first cigarette? Perhaps your wife or boyfriend. I’d like to think no parent ever gave a child their first Lucky Strike, but who knows.

Here’s my point: What would it be like to watch a loved one dying of cancer and know that you introduced them to the joy of smoking? How could you live with that?

“Hey, he’s an adult. He can make his own decisions. I didn’t make him light up.”

“Come on, she wanted to try it. If she hadn’t gotten it from me, she would have gotten it somewhere else.”

So here’s my question for all my smoking friends: Did you ever give someone their first butt? Are you sure?

The Perfect Day

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I’m still struggling to post regularly. How in the hell do people with kids find time to blog? How do people with jobs find time to blog? (Yes, I hear whining, too) Between work, the dogs, Barb (not necessarily in that order), exercise, eating, sleeping, American Idol and a weekly nap…there’s just no time left. I’m telling you, this blogging thing would be a lot easier if you were out of work.

09:00 a.m. – Get out of bed. Shower and shave (optional)
09:30 a.m. – Breakfast at the Towne Grill
10:30 a.m. – Large Rocket Fuel at The Coffee Zone
10:45 a.m. – Barnes & Noble
11:45 a.m. – Lunch (Pastrami on Rye at the Sub Shoppe)
12:45 p.m. – Home. Half hour of fetch with Luch and Ripley
01:15 p.m. – Nap
02:30 p.m. – Surf the Web/blog
05:00 p.m. – More fetch with Lucy and Ripley
05:30 p.m. – ABC World News Tonight
06:00 p.m. – Feed the dogs
06:05 p.m. – Check email; surf/blog
06:30 p.m. – Dinner with Barb (microwave something or take her to Chili’s)
07:30 p.m. – Free time
08:30 p.m. – Surfing/blogging
10:00 p.m. – Daily Show
10:30 p.m. – Colbert Report
11:00 p.m. – Unstructured online time
12:00 p.m. – Reading in bed
01:00 a.m. – Lights out

Of course, things would slow down a bit on the weekends.

Road Trip

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Light (no?) posting for a couple of days. Off to Tulsa for a last visit with my brother and his family before they return to Indonesia. Gonna miss ’em. Probably won’t see them again for 2 or 3 years. Next trip will be to enroll Ryan in college. We’ve had some good visits and they’re ready to go “home.”

New look for Learfield.com

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Andy and I have been working…or not working…or thinking about working on a new look for the Learfield corporate website for most of a year. And tonight we “relaunched.” Tomorrow a few hundred people will start calling and emailing to tell me they can’t find something on the company intranet or that they think the new look sucks. Or both. But that’s all part of the drill. The site is three years old and way past dew for a make-over. The new design has lots of white space and has a nice, open feel about it.

Learfield.comI’m reminded of the early days (1996?) when we put up the first FrontPage monstrosities. Nobody gave a second thought to websites back then so it didn’t matter if they looked like shit. Or maybe we just hadn’t seen enough good sites to recognize bad ones. No more. Increasingly, the worlds first impression of your company is the website and it better look good, have some useful content and be well organized. It is a never ending struggle. But it’s time for a cold Bud.

Time Machine

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A few years ago, a sale rep for our company asked to have a commercial written and producted in a ridiculously short period of time. My advice was something along the lines of:

Go down to the basement where we keep the Time Machine. Set it for two weeks ago. When you get back there, submit this work order and it’ll be ready by tomorrow.

Since then it’s become something of a running joke for a few of us at the office. Yesterday it occurred to me how much fun it would be to have a Time Machine in the basement. It would be the highlight of every tour. I don’t have the skills to build such a device but I have some ideas on what it should include:

  • Computer and monitor
  • Headphones
  • Analog date display (more fun than the monitor)
  • Flashing lights
  • Siren and/or horn
  • Levers (lots of them)
  • Switches (lots of them)
  • Seat belt (shoulder harness would be better)
  • Helmet (women probably won’t wear this or headphones)

And I sort of see this on a platform sitting on some huge coil springs, so there would be the slightest movement as you climbed into the seat. Which should be either an old dentist chair, or one of the old metal tractor seats with the holes in it.

What started as a gag could be a great marketing tool. A fun way to review significant moments in the company’s history. But we could also look into the future. This would be huge. I predict we’d have so much word-of-mouth on this, customers would be calling us, asking if they could visit and take a ride in the Learfield Time Machine.

So who could build such a thing? I have no dought some artist or sculptor has already created exactly what I’m looking for. But it’s in a museum or art gallary and damned expensive. My childhood friend RP could have built this in his prime. Not sure about today. He has the imagination and technical skills.

Joe Browning could design it but I’m not sure he could build it. He’s an architect in Santa Fe so he probably knows someone that could make this real. If you know of someone that could pull this off, put me in touch. Hell, I might even be able to get the Grownups at our company to come up with some dough. If not, we’ll have a series of car washes or ham and bean dinners and raise the money.

Rock and Roll Fantasy

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So you have great singer/song writers like Paul Simon, Cat Stevens, Don Henley and Glen Frey who –as far as I know– aren’t making hit records any more. They’re rich, the royalties are coming in, they worked long and hard…so maybe they’re just taking it easy. Why should they bust their asses writing songs. Because they love writing songs. It was once their passion and I want to believe it still is. So where are the songs?

Let’s suppose in the hip-hop musical world of 2006, nobody wants to hear a song by these old farts. But that doesn’t sound right. I’m betting they’re still writing songs…and there are millions of fans who would love to buy/hear them.

Okay, here’s the fantasy part. Let’s say you’re one of these musical legends and you still noodle around in your home studio, writing and recording songs. Not necessarily ‘hit’ songs, just songs. Stuff you like. Why not put it up on a website, give your fans a little taste, and let us buy them?

I think Janis Ian (if you don’t know, it doesn’t matter) does something like this. And why not. If your music is no longer “commercially viable,” but you still love making it… put it up there. Let us buy it direct. Like I said, it’s a fantasy.

Speaking of music… I would love to hear Sheryl Crow do Me and Bobby McGee. Not the Joplin screamer. More of a ballad treatment maybe. Has she ever performed that song?

Still speaking of music… I kinda like the song Table for One by Liz Phair.

But reaching back it occurs to me
There will always be some kind of crisis for me

Not a good drinking song, but haunting.

If somebody has Doug Howard’s email address, he can probably answer the question above. Play the Kennett card.