1. Protection of Words Fewer than Three Syllables Act
2. Bill to make the “High Five” the US’s official greeting
3. National ‘Everybody Wears Jeans’ Day (March 14th)
4. The “Pretty Girls Shouldn’t Act All Stuck Up” Amendment
5. Presidential proclamation that “California Must Apologize to Jesus (and It Has to Sound Like They Really Mean It)”
Category Archives: Media & Culture
Attention Baby Boomers
David Brazeal writes:
This is to inform you that the Vietnam War ended 30 years ago. Please refrain from referring to this event in political discourse, except as it shapes our continued effort to frustrate the goals of world domination by our Cold War opponent, the Soviet Union.
It has been called to our attention that this war shaped your worldview when you were young, impressionable and intoxicated by hope and marijuana. While we understand your obsession, we can no longer tolerate it. Thus, we shall treat any continued prattling in the same way you treated the prattling of your grandparents, who spoke of The Great War ad nauseum between longing remembrances of FDR–with rolled eyes and involuntary commitment to a group home. Thank you for your consideration.
David was born in 1969 so he was a teenager in the mid-eighties. I just spoke with him on the phone and asked what he considered the defining event of his generation. The best he could come up with was Cyndi Lauper‘s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.”
101 Ways to Save the Internet
Paul Boutin offers 101 Ways to Save the Internet. A few of my favaorites:
* Upgrade phone booths to Wi-Fi
* Death to fax machines. Send us an attachment instead
* Stop with the jokes
* Turn off your HTML email It makes you vulnerable to viruses – and bugs us.
Wal-Mart Super Centers, etc.
From a website called Scarf Creations:
“Mike Smith has been a Elvis fan since he was 3 years old, when he heard his dad’s 8 track of Elvis. Mike’s career started when he was 25 years old and he performed in Kennett, Missouri. Mike has performed throughout Missouri, Arkansas, Illinois and Tennessee… at private parties, nursing homes, charity events, country clubs, restaurants, Wal-Mart Super Centers, etc. I perform in three stages of “Elvis” from his wild suits, 68 leather , to his most famous jumpsuits.”
“Besides doing Elvis, Mike works full time for Pepsi Mid-America in Sikeston, Missouri. I have performed 75 shows in the 3 years of my career as an Elvis impersonator and my recent being “The Jailhouse Rock” in Illinois.”
George Carlin on slavery, freedom
“This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be free.”
— George Carlin