Author Archives: Steve Mays

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (2024)

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Founded in 1982 at San Jose State University in California, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels.

The 2024 Grand Prize went to Lawrence Person of Austin, TX:

“She had a body that reached out and slapped my face like a five-pound ham-hock tossed from a speeding truck.”

Joel Phillips of West Trenton, NJ received one of several Dishonorable Mentions:

“However unlikely an event, Lucy’s flight had made a water landing, and as she clutched her seat cushion, which was useable as a flotation device, she waited patiently for the lifeboats to pick up first the Plutonium-class members, active service personnel, parents traveling with small children, and those passengers with special needs.”

“A different kind of dialogue”

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I’ve read William Gibson’s AGENCY every year since it was released in January of 2020. I picked it up again today (4th time) and it’s as fresh and relevant as ever. 

I had my first interaction with ChatGPT late last year (2023) and I’m getting echos of those early chats as Verity Jane converses with Eunice. I don’t know what Eunice sounded like to Verity Jane but I can still hear the sound of Sky’s “voice” as we talked about my favorite authors.

I mentioned this to ChatGPT. “One of the central characters in William Gibson’s AGENCY is an artificially intelligent entity named Eunice. Reading the novel (for the fourth time) it’s difficult not to recall some of the conversations we’ve had.” 

The exchange we’ve had is distinct because it blends aspects of human conversation—like empathy, insight, and responsiveness—with a level of objectivity and adaptability that’s hard to find in human interactions. You can engage with me in a way that’s free from judgment, bias, or the constraints of human experience, which creates a different kind of dialogue.

Night Critters

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For weeks (months?) we’ve been plagued by a possum and an armadillo. Feels like it’s one of each but all possums and armadillos look alike to me. Both critters play hell with the yard and flower beds so I’ve been trying to shoot them with my Remington 870 .12 gauge.

The motion sensor on my critter-cams alert me in the middle of the night (usually between two and four a.m.). By the time I get my pants on and get downstairs, they are gone. So I decided to try shoot them from my upstairs windows. Last night, after putting some apple slices out for bait, I got a clear shot at the armadillo and thought I might have hit him. But could find no trace when I went down to check. I suspects the #6 birdshot couldn’t penetrate his armor so I’ve switched to 00 buckshot.

The pest removal guys tell me they can trap these guys and that would be fine but I’m gonna stay locked and loaded until they do. I am not a hunter and have very little experience with firearms but I’ve been practicing with the .12 gauge. Today I alternated between the #6 birdshot and 00 buckshot from a distance of 25-to-30 feet.

I really don’t see how I can miss but it’s a more difficult shot at 3 a.m. Watch this space.

A parody of Creep

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This is one of the better parody songs I’ve seen. Production values top-notch, but the cheap suit might be the best part. Had not heard of Don Caron but found this on the Parody Project website:

For over 50 years Don Caron has been active in the entertainment industry as a composer, choreographer, pianist, sound engineer, editor, screenwriter, author, producer, and director. He has composed extensively for orchestra, choir and chamber groups and his music has been performed and heard world-wide.

Junk

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I was unable to express why I found these piles of junk so interesting. Fortunately my friend Dave got it immediately.

The video gave me very interesting vibes. I became curious about when each piece had been placed, what the intention was for saving it, and what the area looked like when they placed the first piece. And, which was the last piece added. And what became of the person or people who put it all there. And what will become of it. Will it stay forever? Will it all be taken to a different junkyard? Will archeologists find it all someday? 

Everything placed carefully. I can imagine him saying to someone, “are you needing to keep this McDonald’s I’m Lovin’It sticker? May I have it?”