Travel Pain Quotient

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I had a lot of time to think on that long train ride to Washington DC and I came to an important realization:

I don’t like to travel.

This is right up (down?) there with: “I don’t like kids.” There is some stigma attached.

I’ve battled (internally) this for years, forcing myself to take trips to “get over” my aversion. Like some gay teenager sleeping with the head cheerleader, trying to “cure” himself.

My train trip was an example of this. “You don’t like flying but maybe you’ll like travelling by train.” I didn’t.

Barb LOVES to travel but is mostly okay with the fact that I do not and (for years) has travelled with her sister and friends.

I know what you’re thinking.

The world is filled with wonderful and beautiful sites and experiences that you will never know if you don’t get out of that coffee shop. A full moon over the Great Pyramid; the temples of ancient Greece; the Grand Canyon (“You’ve never been to the Grand Canyon?!”)

But it’s time for me to ‘come out’ and embrace my inertia. Which doesn’t mean I’ll never take another trip. (Barb and I will visit my brother and his family in Malaysia in a few weeks.) But now I have a forumula to guide me.

TRAVEL PAIN QUOTIENT (TPQ)

Miles/Mode x Payoff = TPQ

MILES – To your destination (one way)
MODE – Of transportation (pick closest)
PAYOFF – The (subjective) value of experience once at your destination (1-10) Higher the number, the better the experience.

Mode Scale (subject to change)

10- Private Jet
9- Commercial Flight
8- Cruise Ship
7- Car
6- Motorcycle
5- Train
4- Bus
3- Bicycle
2- Pack Mule
1- Walking

Examples:

Private jet from NY to Paris (3,636) to party with Jessica Alba

3630
——- = 40
10 x 9

Drive from Milwaukee to Indianapolis for cousin’s wedding (her third)

280
——– = 20
7 x 2

I’m mathmatically challenged so feel free to modify this formula as necessary. Clearly the first trip above is more than twice as much fun as the second one. I’ll need some help with this.

Things I Learned While Riding the Train

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[First, a disclaimer. It would be unfair to judge all train travel or even all Amtrak travel based on my one experience. Different trains, different days, different destinations… I’m certain many people love riding the train. I’m just not one of them. Equally important, I traveled Coach. I’m told First Class is a very different experience.]

I left St. Louis around 8:00 a.m. on a Friday and arrived in Chicage abnout 6 hours later, where I had a four hour layover. We left Chicago around 6:00 p.m.and arrived in Washington D.C. shortly after 2:00 p.m. the following day. About 30 hours travel time.

I flew back to St. Louis. About two hours in the air.

In no particular order, here are some of my observations:

  • Silver Streak was just a movie
  • Train travel is a group activity. Even if you’re travelling alone. Imagine a weekend sleep-over in your basement rec room with 200 strangers.
  • You will encounter many physically challenged people on the train. There were a surprising number of morbidly obese people on my train. People who either could not fit in an airline seat (or would have to pay for two seats.)
  • People who have lots of time on their hands (retired folks like me) ride the train. You will be part of the captive audience they have been looking for.
  • You can’t smoke on the train. Not a problem on a three-hour flight. A much bigger problem if it’s 5 or 10 hours between smoke stops. Think boxcar full of junkies desperate for a fix.
  • Some of the people on your train will have been travelling for a couple of days already and badly in need of a shower.
  • Light sleeper? Snoring keeps you awake? Times 50! I tried recording a few minutes but it didn’t sound like anything you’d recognize as snoring because you have never heard so many people, in a confined space, snoring. Unless you’ve spent the night in a drunk tank.
  • You better love kids. While most parents wouldn’t let there toddlers roam up and down the aisle of an airplane in flight, the train is a different matter.

Someone commented here that Amtrak could help their bottom line by renting cars at every stop. God knows I would have gotton off if I could.

So, what’s my advice to anyone thinking of taking a long (more than an hour) train trip? Go to your local Union Station (or whatever they call it) and sit in the waiting area for an hour. Watch and listen to the people. If you still think you want a romantic train adventure, go for it.

Plant Strong

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Yesterday I concluded my 30 day experiment of eating only plant-based foods. No meat, no poultry, no dairy. I’ve tried to avoid the word vegan because it’s something of a loaded word. A big turn-off to a lot of people. I thought I’d share my reasons for trying this and a few of my experiences over the past four weeks.

The spark for this little adventure was my nephew, +Ryan Mays. He’s followed this life style (it’s more than just diet for him) for a couple of years and his enthusiasm was infectious. I didn’t eat a lot of meat anyway so I decided to see if I could eat plants only for a month.

I had a vague awareness of the health benefits of cutting out red meat but I’ve never been overweight and I’m in good health, so I wasn’t especially motivated by health considerations.

As I began this project(?), I discovered the ethics of eating animals was an important consideration for me. I feel better knowing I’m not (knowingly) contributing to the suffering of other creatures. I’ll hasten to add, this is a personal decision and I make no judgements about how others eat and live.

I’ve lost about 8 pounds since starting this but have more energy and a heightened sense of well-being.

I’ve found it surprisingly easy to find plant-based alternatives to meat, poultry and dairy. I’m eating lots of fruits, fresh vegetables and nuts. I was never a big milk drinker and now have soy milk or almond-coconut milk on my cereal. I made some vegan cornbread that was delicious and some oatmeal cookies that were not.

If I strayed, it was rare. Some bread or pasta that contained some dairy product. I didn’t sweat those much and don’t intend to going forward. And I’ll get smarter about how to eat.

Two weeks in I was thinking, “I can do vegetarian but not vegan.” But by the third or fourth week, I started thinking I could make this a permanent change. To the extent anything is permanent. So, now I can stop counting.

Can I help you find something?

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I’m a big fan of UPS. Today a nice man delivered a parcel while I was in the front yard playing fetch with the dogs. He stopped for a moment to throw the ball and chat. I mentioned an article I’d read about how UPS uses sophisticated tech to find the shortest routes, etc.

The driver smiled and explained that UPS knows when his seat buckle is (and is not) buckled; when the door to the fan is open and for how long; and how often he back up, and at what speed. Every Monday morning he’s given a printout of this data.

I should add he didn’t seem to have a negative opinion about this.

Later in the day I was in Staples where it occurred to me that the people who work there (probably) get paid the same whether they are helping a customer… or doing nothing. Doing nothing is a less attractive option if a manager is about or, obviously, if the clerk is just eager to help customers.

Could a future AI monitor the in-store video of employees interacting with employees and reward those who spend more time helping customers than those who have developed the knack of avoiding them? The AI would be smart enough to know when the employee was bugging the shit out of a browser, just to game the system.

Before you ask, no, I don’t think I’d much like working in this environment. But I might like it better than being replaced by the friendly artifical person that will be rolling silently up and down the aisles in the near future.

Mouth Buffer

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I suffer from “fast mouth.” Someone will say or do something and before my mind can engage, I blurt out some smart-ass or unkind remark. Seconds later, my brain catches up and I spend some time regretting my (literally) thoughtless comment. Here’s my fantasy fix for this condition:

A small, neural implant in my brain with a tiny switch just behind my right ear (I’m right handed). When going into situations where I think I might speak before thinking, I can engage the Mouth Buffer. While my mental and physical reaction times are unaffected, there is a three second delay before I can utter a sound. (This can be changed in Preferences)

By default, the Mouth Buffer stays engaged for one hour but can be reset as needed.

The only down side I see is the possibility some strangers will be crushed by falling pianos or hiking buddies killed by poisonous snakes because I couldn’t warn them.

“I do not expect to see home again”

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“We collect more digital communications from America than we do from the Russians. […] We hack everyone everywhere. We like to make a distinction between us and the others. But we are in almost every country in the world. We are not at war with these countries.”

“A lot of people in 2008 voted for Obama. I did not vote for him. I voted for a third party. But I believed in Obama’s promises. I was going to disclose it [but waited because of his election]. He continued with the policies of his predecessor.”

More of Edward Snowden interview here.

Million Dollar Illusion

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A fascinating (scary?) report on why a million dollars might not be enough for retirement.

“One out of 10 people who are 65 today will live past 95, according to projections from the Social Security Administration.”

Or (gulp) this:

“$10,890 is the median financial net worth of an American household today.”

Not surprised to learn that more people are not planning to retire.

“An annual survey for the Employee Benefit Research Institute found that in 1991, only 11 percent of workers expected to retire after age 65, while this year, 36 percent said they would retire after 65 — and 7 percent said they didn’t plan to retire at all.”

The piece confirms what my advisors recommended regarding SS benefits.

“If you delay claiming benefits past what the government calls your “full” retirement age — 66, for people retiring this year — your monthly benefits increase by 8 percent a year until you reach 70.”

I confess to finding it a little hard to scrape up a lot of sympathy for someone that can’t live on sixty or seventy thousand dollars a year. Guess it’s what you’re used to.

“The maximum Social Security benefit for a retiree at 66 this year is $31,000 — about the equivalent of drawing down 3 percent a year on a portfolio of $1 million. […] Still, even $61,000 or $71,000 a year — the combined Social Security and cash flow from the $1 million portfolio — isn’t likely to be enough for most people who have grown accustomed to living on $150,000 or more a year. And $150,000 is the median income of a typical household in the top 10 percent, roughly the ranking of a family with $1 million in net assets, Professor Wolff says.”

And the original factoid I posted earlier:

“A typical 65-year-old couple with $1 million in tax-free municipal bonds want to retire. They plan to withdraw 4 percent of their savings a year — a common, rule-of-thumb drawdown. But under current conditions, if they spend that $40,000 a year, adjusted for inflation, there is a 72 percent probability that they will run through their bond portfolio before they die.”