Milton from Office Space

“And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire.”

— Milton from Office Space.

David Weinberger on Kill Bill

“Tarantino’s love of movies is infectious. But what he loves about them isn’t their literary capabilities, the way they can show us people and events changing each other, and the rest of that important yada. No, QT loves their syntax, their rhetoric. And that’s what Kill Bill is great at: a samurai sword being re-holstered, a nod that launches an attack. It’s like a “That’s Entertainment” that shows not the greatest tap dance sequences in the history of movies but the greatest gestures.”

Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.?

“Why shouldn’t I work for the N.S.A.? That’s a tough one, but I’ll take a shot. Say I’m working at the N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I’m real happy with myself, ’cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people that I never met and that I never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin’, “Send in the marines to secure the area” ’cause they don’t give a shit. It won’t be their kid over there, gettin’ shot. Just like it wasn’t them when their number was called, ’cause they were pullin’ a tour in the National Guard. It’ll be some kid from Southie takin’ shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, ’cause he’ll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain’t helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They’re takin’ their sweet time bringin’ the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin’ play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain’t too long ’til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy’s out of work and he can’t afford to drive, so he’s walking to the fuckin’ job interviews, which sucks ’cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin’ him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he’s starvin’ ’cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they’re servin’ is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I’m holdin’ out for somethin’ better. I figure, fuck it, while I’m at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.”

From Good Will Hunting, written by Matt Damon & Ben Affleck

Let’s leave it in

It’s probably been 30 years since I watched the original Frankenstein (1931). When a movie has been so often parodied, it’s easy to forget how good the original really was. I watched it tonight on TCM. If I could know only one thing about the making of that movie, it would be the story behind the scene (hell, it wasn’t a scene…it was just a moment), early in the film, when Fritz (played by Dwight Frye) went to see who was pounding on the castle door just before the creation of the monster. As he turned to go backup the stairs, he stops…to pull up his sock. It was…perfect.

Freaking. Fricking. But no fucking.

The censors (does anyone think of themselves as a “censor”?) at FX went through Good Will Hunting, carefully replacing each “fucking” with “freaking” or “fricking” (what the fuck is fricking?). That just seems so…dishonest to me. I don’t care what anybody says, it’s not the same same movie when you start cutting scenes and replacing words. Fuck it.

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind

No, I can’t think of anything I didn’t like about Confessions of a Dangerous Mind. Favorite scene? Maybe when a paranoid, strung out Chuck Barris puts a gun to the head of The Unknown Comic demanding to know his name. I hope every word of it was true.

BMW Films: Hostage

And I thought you had to watch them in a theater or TV. But I was wrong. A few weeks ago I kept seeing a movie trailer for a film called Hostage. “We gotta see this movie,” I told Barb. Then I noticed it was showing at BMWfilms.com. Oh, shit. It’s a commercial. Never mind. No…mind. Go to BMWfilms.com and watch this eight minute… (movie? film? cinema? commercial?). I don’t what you call it but I watched three of these (about 8 minutes each) and I don’t remember when I’ve seen anything more entertaining. I won’t try to review these. Or categorize them. Just watch them. If these are commercials, they’re not like any commercial I ever saw. They did make me think about owning a BMW and that’s probably what it’s all about. My, my, but these were good. Directors like John Woo and Tony Scott (Spy Game, Crimson Tide, True Romance, Top Gun)…actors like Gary Oldman and James Brown. And I’m sitting here in front of my little Thinkpad watching these stream on a DSL connection thinking, “I could watch 90 minutes of this, easy.” So. Is this the advertising of the future? I don’t know now. But I’m thinking I would have paid to watch this BMW commercial and I’m already paying to not watch lots of other commercials. The winds of change are blowing.

Cliff’s Buffalo Theory

“Well you see, Norm, it’s like this….a herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, the regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

— Cliff Clavin (Cheers)