Tag Archives: The Onion
Dog Tricks
From the clever kids at The Onion, just in time for the new pup.
Another Dark Ages?
From remarks by Scott Dikkers, Editor of The Onion. Freedom from Religion Foundation
“We live in an age now that could easily turn into another dark ages. It’s a time when irrational beliefs that run counter to established science are accepted not just by a large percentage of the population but also by our elected leaders.
The religious like to say they’re “saved.” But after eight years of their pick for president, it’s the rest of us who need to be saved.
And the people who voted for this leadership are ready to do it again, because they are ideologues, who are incapable of learning–they reject any factual information that contradicts their beliefs.”
“Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet”
“After clicking the ‘submit’ button, I will immediately refresh the page so that I can view my own comment. I will then notice that my comment has not appeared because the server has not yet processed my request, become angry and confused, and re-post the same comment with unintentional variations on the original wording and misspellings, creating two slightly different yet equally moronic comments,” he said. “It is my hope that this will illustrate both my childlike level of impatience and my inability to replicate a simple string of letters and symbols 30 seconds after having composed it.”
Gay Pride Day at The Onion
Ennui Gas
WASHINGTON — “Calling it the most effective tool to date in the War on Terror, the Pentagon announced Monday that it had developed a new chemical weapon called “ennui gas,” a nerve agent that overwhelms its victims with sudden philosophical distress over the meaningless tedium of human life and a sinking sense that everything they have ever accomplished ultimately amounts to dust.”
The Onion
Tough Room: Editorial meeting of The Onion
In last week’s This American Life, host Ira Glass lived one of my fantasies. He sat in on an editorial meeting of The Onion, “where there’s one laugh for every 100 jokes.”
“They start with over 600 potential headlines for their fake-news newspaper each week, and over the course of two days, in the very tough room that is their editorial conference room, they select 16 to go in the paper.”
Onion writers not fans of Sheryl Crow
From the Onion: “Seven-time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong found his endurance stretched “almost to the breaking point” last Friday by a three-hour, 30-song concert presented by his fiancée, pop-folk singer Sheryl Crow.”
I’m posting this because a) I’m a fan and subscriber of the Onion and b) my friend/co-worker Bob took the time to forward. But it just isn’t up to the Onion’s high standards. Shit, I could have written that. Somebody must have been on deadline.