Tag Archives: Clueless and Proud

But wouldn’t that mean I’m too stupid to drive?

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Envelopeclipping
Tonight’s mail included a "letter" addressed to Perry S. Mays (Nobody uses my full name). There was no return address. Inside was what appeared to be a newspaper clipping tagged with a yellow Post-It note which read: "Perry: Check this out! (signed) J"

Of course the newspaper "story" is bullshit, although there is nothing in the copy that would clue the clueless on this point.

I wish I could give the dealer –Reagan Hyundai in Jefferson City– the benefit of the doubt. They weren’t trying to snooker their way into unsuspecting homes… it was just a little joke. April Fools Day a week or so early. Gotcha!

Maybe.

But if this shit works, it means there’s some kind of creepy reverse Darwinism at work. In time, only the mentally impaired will be lured onto the lot.

Everything about this is designed to trick someone into reading about about your sale. To fool them. One would almost think the public doesn’t want to hear from you. But why would that be?

Too late for web training

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Mindy McAdams (Teaching Online Journalism) points to a very interesting post by Paul Conley. Mr. Conley has held senior positions at Knight-Ridder, CNN, Primedia/Prism and Bloomberg. He serves on the professional advisory boards of College Media Advisers, the national group that works with student journalists, and Northwest Missouri State University’s Mass Communications program. His clients include Primedia/Prism, Reed Business, About.com and IDG.

“I’m urging employers not to offer any training in Web journalism. There are two reasons for this. Here they are:

1. You cannot train someone to be part of a culture.
For someone to work on the Web, they must be part of the Web. That, after all, is what the Web means. The Web is a web. It exists as a series of connections. An online journalist isn’t a journalist who works online. He’s a journalist who lives online. He’s part of the Web.

It’s a waste of time and money to teach multimedia skills and technology to someone who hasn’t already become part of the Web. And there’s no need to teach skills and technology to the journalists who are already part of Web culture, because the culture requires participation in skills and technology.
Or, to put it another way — I cannot teach the Web. No one can. Yet all of us who are part of the Web are learning the Web.

2. When the fighting begins, the training must end.
We cannot move backward to round up the stragglers and train them to fight. It’s too late to try to convince print journalists that the Web has value. It’s too late to tell them that an Internet connection is worth a few dollars a month. As revenue shrinks, we can’t spend money on training. We can’t gather up the print folks and “prepare them as online journalists.”

You can’t prepare people to dig a fighting (fox?) hole. You just tell them to dig. And the ones who don’t dig fast enough, deep enough or well enough, die.”

Wow. I confess that I agree with Conley but would never say it around my reporter friends. What good can come of telling them it’s too late. The train left the station and they can’t run fast enough to catch it.

Underage drinkers escape into blizzard

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“A big underage drinking party bust on New Year’s Eve in northern Iowa led to a search for dozens of teenagers who fled outside into a blizzard. Kossuth County Sheriff’s deputies say they were called around 11:15 Monday night to a home in Wesley. Officials say the party was at the Mike and Dawn Reimers’ home. Several people ran outside when authorities arrived.

Deputies say some of those people stayed outside for up to two hours. Deputies called in rescue personnel, including three snowmobilers, to help with the search. Authorities think between 60 and 80 underage drinkers were at the party. So far, no charges have been filed in the case.” [RadioIowa.com]

Ah, youth. Reminds me of “No Arrests Made at Private Party Probe”

Illegal to rip songs from CD’s to computer. Yeah, right.

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“Now, in an unusual case in which an Arizona recipient of an RIAA letter has fought back in court rather than write a check to avoid hefty legal fees, the industry is taking its argument against music sharing one step further: In legal documents in its federal case against Jeffrey Howell, a Scottsdale, Ariz., man who kept a collection of about 2,000 music recordings on his personal computer, the industry maintains that it is illegal for someone who has legally purchased a CD to transfer that music into his computer.” [Washington Post]

PROFANITY ALERT: Let me see if I have this right. I buy the CD. I copy the songs to my laptop or iPod so I can listen to them. I don’t share them with anyone. And that’s illegal. As they say on Keith and the Girl, “Fuuuuuuccckkkk you!” Steve Martin used to say, “Excuuuusseee me!”

Update: Turns out this story was wrong. Never mind.

Riding the Email Short Bus (NRN)

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Email from Bill to Mary and 5 others on their project team:

“The meeting has been moved back to 10 a.m. on Friday”

Mary replies, “I’ll bring donuts,” and –of course- hits the REPLY ALL button.

Team member Mike cleverly chimes in (with REPLY ALL): “Make my chocolate!”

To which team member Betty responds, “I’m on a diet.” Again, REPLY ALL.

Team member smays (screaming at the top of his lungs!) REPLY ALL:

“I don’t have time to be part of your witty banter. My in-box if filled to overflowing. Chat amongst yourselves if you have the time (and it appears you do), but don’t include me with your clueless REPLY ALL to every dumb-ass email that comes your way. I’m sorry, I just don’t care. And –believe it or not– the only people that do, are the other morons keeping this inane ping-pong match going.”

NRNAnd while I’m on the subject, you don’t need to thank me every time I send you an email. I know you are grateful. I won’t think less of you if I don’t get a “Thanks!” reply to… every… email… I send. In fact, my opinion of you will jump up a few notches.

Let’s try this. If you see “NTN” (No Thanks Necessary) or “NRN” (No Reply Necessary) in the subject line of the email I send to you… you don’t have to thank me or reply. You just saved us both a few precious seconds.

I would open the comments on this post but I know many of you would not be able to resist saying, “Thanks!”

No pictures! No pictures!

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Hy-Vee DeliMy favorite Hy-Vee Supermarket reopened today after a year-long renovation and expansion. I stopped by to get some lunch from the deli (where I get 90% of my hot meals) and took a photo. I would have taken more but one of the corporate neckties came running over to tell me I couldn’t take photos. You can see half of him in this picture.

“It’s okay,” I told him, “I’m a regular. My wife’s out of town on business and couldn’t be here so I’m gonna send her a photo.”

“There will be ‘approved photos’ in the local newspaper. I have no way of knowing what you’re going to do with any pictures.”

I’m sure that…let’s call him “Phil”…Phil has every legal right to tell me I can’t take a photo in his new store. Underlying his panic at the sight of my little Casio, however, is his lack of trust in a customer. He assumed I’d do something nefarious, like race down to Gerbe’s (a competing store)…

smays: (Pant, gasp) “I’ got ’em! I got ’em! Photos of the new deli at Hy-Vee!”
Gerbe’s Store Manger: “Quick, let’s see ’em. We’ve got to plan our strategy!”

As I was checking out, one of the local Hy-Vee guys came over to ask what was going on and I explained.

“What?! (exasperated sound) He’ll be gone tomorrow. You can come back and take as many photos as you like.”

Trust.

So, “Phil,” this post is for you. I’m thrilled to have a bigger, newer, better Hy-Vee and plan to spend even more time and money in your great store. Give my best to the guys in marketing and public relations.

Go away! We’re busy!

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If you email the Missouri State High School Activities Association, you are likely to get an automated response that includes the following:

“The MSHSAA staff will respond first to more traditional means of communication such as telephone calls, written correspondence and faxes. The MSHSAA office can be reached at (573) 875-4880 during regular office hours. As time permits, staff will reply to email messages that include the sender’s complete name, address and phone number.”

I don’t even know what to say about this. It speaks volumes about how the organization views its relationship with the public it serves (?). I am inspired to create a new category here at smays.com: Clueless and Proud. Say it loud!

We’ll send out a press release when it’s over

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The Hardest Working Blogger in Show Business, Chuck Zimmerman, is in Berlin, covering the annual meeting of the International Federation of Agricultural Journalists. IFAJ is “a non-political, professional association for agricultural journalists in 29 countries.” As far as I can determine (and Chuck is aware), he is the only person blogging this event.

You gotta figure that at least some of the attendees have laptops and digital cameras with them. Not one blogger in the bunch? Maybe there’s coverage of the event at the official IFAJ website…nope.

Old Media types can’t understand why I’m even asking? Bloggers can’t imagine attending something like this and not putting up a couple of posts.