smays.com

Subservient Chicken.

"Finally, somebody in a chicken costume that will do what you ask them to do."

When you work together too long.

Wedding Dot Com

Two friends getting married this spring/summer and both have websites for the occasion. These are very wired guys but it can't be long before html replaces engraved paper invites. [Andy, Allen]

Life is better with a good book.

Reading Lawrence Block's Burglar on the Prowl. Block never disappoints. Can't seem to find time/interest to watch Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and the DVD's due back. My cup runneth over.

Twice removed.

I've never been interested in genealogy. And, growing up, I really had no understanding of my relationship to my... relations. But my recent scan-frenzy left me wondering "what is that person to me?" I found some notes my mom kept in the family bible (great big old Masonic monster) and I'll be putting them online in coming days. I can see how this kind of thing could get addictive. My mom would have been an avid blogger.

I'm turning into a weekend blogger.

I'm online almost constantly at work and it's getting more and more difficult to tend this digital garden. How the hell do people with children and responsibilities find the time? Everything is moving at warp speed and I choose to interpret that in the most positive light. The boring jobs were 40 years ago but I still remember them. Auto assembly line worker. Auditing post offices. No, this is better although it feels as though my life is running through my fingers like water. Oh, almost forgot... new pup pix here and here.

Volume 2

You either like Quintin Tarantino movies or you don't. I'm a fan. Especially the dialogue. His characters say things that sound perfectly natural within the context of the movie but would never be heard in real life (whatever that is). I thought the same thing when I first saw David Mamet's House of Games. Tarantino would seem to be a fan of David Carradine but was only 9 years old when Kung Fu was on TV. Same for Michael Parks, who is wonderful in Volume 2. Tarantino would have been six years old in 1969 when Jim Bronson rode his motorcycle across the country in Then Came Bronson. And while I know less than zero about cinematography, there was a wonderful, surreal quality to the second Kill Bill. I won't even try to describe it. Finally, if for no other reason, see the movie for the yummy Uma Thurman. [Trailer]

From the mail bag:

> Steve,
> if my memory serves me correctly, you and tom colvin
> use to play characters when you both were at KBOA.
> what were they? I just remember when I was little
> going to a picnic of some sort on the front lawn of
> the radio station and one or both of you being dressed
> in drag? Have I lost my mind?
> thanks,
> Eric Raspberry
> former Kenneth resident

No, Eric, you haven't lost your mind. During the Early Days I made many sacrifices for my art, including dressing in drag [photo]. I don't recall Tom Colvin stooping so low but that was due, in part, to the challenge of finding nice things in his size.

Mellon Farmers

I watched Mississippi Burning (for the 5th or 6th time) on A&E last week. The movie has the appropriate amount of profanity for that time and place. As is the custom of network censors, they replaced offending words with "safe" ones. "Fucking" became "freaking," and so forth. This never works and merely forces the viewer to do an on-the-fly translation and makes the profanity stand out where it would normally flow in context. In Die Hard with A Vengeance, we hear Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis frequently call the bad guys "mellon farmers." Mellon farmer? Oh, motherfucker! Okay, you know what I'm talking about.

How do they accomplish this? It sure sounds like Gene Hackman, Samuel L. Jackson and Bruce Willis saying the sanitized naughty word. At the end of shooting the movie, did they go into a studio with a list of replacement words and phrases. I know they get paid a lot of money but I have a hard time picturing Gene Hackman doing this. Do they find unknown actors to mimic the star voices? Or, do they grab safe words/phrases from other parts of the movie and insert them as needed? That sounds like a tall order. I'm hoping that one of you knows somebody that knows somebody that knows the answer to this mystery. stevemays@hotmail.com

Door Number Two, please.

There are only two industries. This has always been true. There is the industry of things, and the industry of entertainmnet. The industry of things comes first. It keeps us alive. But making things is easy now. This is not a very interesting business anymore. The Diamond Age by Neal Stephenson (pg 338)

Clyde's 60th

Friends, family and employees helped Clyde Lear celebrate his 60th birthday this week. Clyde used those years to make the world a better place (and continues to do so). A wonderful video clearly showed how much Clyde is loved and loves. I found myself wondering if such a video could be cobbled together for my 60th year (just four short years away). Might be tough. Note to self: try to make each day a highlight clip for the Final Video. I reminded Clyde that, in ancient times, Kings would grant pardons and make proclamations on their birthdays and asked if he cared to do so. [video]

Godchecker.

More Gods than you can shake a stick at. Godchecker's Mythology Encyclopedia currently features over 1,600 deities. Browse the pantheons of the world, explore ancient myths, and discover Gods of everything from Fertility to Fluff with the fully searchable Holy Database Of All Known Gods.

Gmail

I'm trying out the new, free email service from Google, Gmail. The big draw --in addition to "free"-- is storage. A gigabyte. Which is a shit-load of email. The idea is you save ALL your email and use Googles great search tools to find stuff later. I'm not one of those that likes to save everything but I'll reserve judgement.

Click.

The number of Americans with access to high-speed Internet connections either at home or work is growing. As of March 1, the Pew Internet & American Life Project finds that 68 million adult Americans log on via broadband either at home or work. Fully 48 million adult Americans have broadband connections at home. For the first time, more than half (52%) of a key demographic group  college educated people age 35 and younger  has broadband connections at home. But this trend will have absolutely no impact on time spent listening to your local radio station. Everything is fine. Go back to your homes.

Skate-boarding dog.

This must have required a lot of treats.

We are not alone.

According to a survey by the American Animal Hosptial Association, 73% of pet owners would go into debt in order to provide for their pet's well being. Other findings:

20% include their pet in their will
62% celebrate their pet's birthday. (Of that 62%, 51% sang "Happy Birthday.")
52% include news about their pet or a photo of their pet in a holiday card
67% said they felt guilty leaving their pet home alone
47% said that when they leave their pet alone they leave on a TV or radio

--Source: AKC Family Dog Magazine

On a mission from god.

Watergate was the biggest political scandal in our nation's history. As the story was unfolding, my father-in-law --a wonderful man and staunch Republican-- refused to believe Dick Nixon could have done anything wrong. Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein got it right then and I have a feeling Woodward has it right this time. Mike Wallace's 60 Minutes interview was...chilling. I don't know who scares me more... George Bush or Dick Cheney.

The Paomnnehal Pweor of the Hmuan Mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

What is journalism?

Dave Winer says he "took five deep breaths" and wrote this: "An independent view of a series of events."

First cook-out of the season.

Barb doing her famous wings and BBQ. Gorgeous day. Watch this space for pix.

Why I'm A Chump #254.

My local ISP buys ADSL service from Sprint and sells it to me for $50 per month (512K up/128K down). If I sign-up directly with Sprint, I can get 1.5M up/384K down, for $60 per month. This must change.

Tax man.

I picked up our tax returns yesterday and was informed by the nice people that prepared them that it took two reams of paper to compile. They even made a little certificate, recognizing us as the #1 Destroyer of Trees. I'm not sure whether to be proud or dismayed that our return was one of the most complex they worked on this year.

If you drive a car-car I'll tax the street
If you try to sit-sit I'll tax your seat
If you get too cold I'll tax the heat
If you take a walk I'll tax your feet

Just so.

"Blogs let you remember what you think, what you feel, what you say, how you say it, what you care about and how you live in this world actually matters. Blogs remind us we matter." [Halley's Comment]

Why Mobile Phones are Annoying

Bystanders rated mobile-phone conversations as dramatically more noticeable, intrusive, and annoying than conversations conducted face-to-face. While volume was an issue, hearing only half a discussion also seemed to up the irritation factor. [Jakob Nielsen's Alertbox, April 12, 2004]

Hmmm.

"In response to inquiries from CBS News over why Ashcroft was traveling exclusively by leased jet aircraft instead of commercial airlines, the Justice Department cited what it called a "threat assessment" by the FBI, and said Ashcroft has been advised to travel only by private jet for the remainder of his term." [via Corante]

Lucy: 13 weeks

Beautiful spring day. Barb's 500 tulips are up and looking fine. Lucy and Ripley are old buddies now and play together just fine. Everything is a game to a Golden Retreiver puppy, including a drink of water. [12 second video]

Time has come today Young

Time has come today
Young hearts can go their way
Can't put it off another day
And I don't care what the others say
'Cause they say we don't listen anyway
Time has come today, Hey!

The Chambers Brothers

All right, let's pray. God

All right, let's pray.
God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass.
We are your humble servants.
Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high-voltage rock.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Now, let's get out there and melt some faces!

School of Rock - [Audio]

Ow, ow, ow!

Dutch eye surgeons have implanted heart- and moon-shaped jewelry into the eyeball of six women and one man. [via Gizmodo]

Thinkpads Forever.

I bought my first IBM Thinkpad in 1996. That was the year IBM introduced the 560 model, the first "ultraportable." The little bugger is still working. In December of 2000 I replaced the 560 with an A21p. I told the IBM rep on the phone to give me "the biggest, baddest box you have." The warranty on the A21p expired in later February and the mother board expired last weekend. A brand new Thinkpad R40 left Hong Kong overnight and is heading my way. Thought about buying a Mac (for about 30 seconds) and decided to stick with what I know. Thinkpads are a little pricey but looking at the 10-year-old 560 over there on the couch reminds me why I keep coming back.

Still on the subject of TV.

I'm not sure Bravo's spin-off series, Queer Eye for the Straight Girl, will be as much fun as QESG. This time, "...a team of gay stylists will "make-better" Los Angeles-area women whose lives and looks need a little enhancement."

Stand up straight!

Show Biz Moms & Dads premiers Tuesday, April 13th, 8 p.m. Central, on Bravo. I'm not a fan of reality TV but must confess I'm looking forward to this one. Watching the promos, it seems obvious to me that the parents don't know that the hook on this show is how pathetic they look, trying to live through their children.

The Nutters  mom, dad and seven kids  who relocated from a rural home in Vermont to a tiny two-bedroom apartment in New York so the whole family could pursue acting careers in the big city.

Four year-old pageant participant Emily Tye, whose mom Debbie spends upwards of $20,000 a year to keep her young daughter competitive.

Aspiring teen actor Jordan Barron and her mom Tiffany, who struggles with a demanding schedule of holding down a job, raising two kids and shuttling Jordan to auditions and acting classes.

Whipped.

The Magazine for Men Who Don't Make Decisions.

Time Management: You Can Clean The House And Still Watch The Game!
This Month's Tips for Keeping HER Happy
Be Your Own Boss. When She's Not Around
Coping With The Loss of Your Friends. And the Introduction of HERS!

PLUS!
* Learning to Drink Wine INSTEAD of Beer
* Staying Home On Fridays to Talk About Your Relationship
The magazine just called to inform me I made the cover of the June issue, with my story, "While you're up... My 25 Years As a Beta-Dog."

Search.

A visitor recently emailed asking how to locate an earlier post. She either didn't see the search box on the right side of the page or thought it was just a Web search. I have it configured to search smays.com by default (you can use it to search the Web as well). If you read it here, you can find it.

Dilbert

Applicant: How do you reward your top performers?
The Boss: I keep increasing their workloads until their performances become average.
Applicant: So...why would anyone try to excel?
The Boss: I use only the finest motivational posters.

Network 23.

I mentioned in an earlier post that our company operates networks that provide statewide news to radio stations (Missouri, Iowa, Wisconsin and Nebraska). The thing we do best is covering state government, with an emphasis on the legislature. And because our medium is radio, we do a lot of sound. Here's the way it worked in 1975:

Our reporter covered some event at the state capitol. Debate, a hearing, news conference...whatever. They recorded the event, asked some questions and returned to the newsroom where they wrote their stories and edited the audio. Once an hour, they produced a five minute newscast and "fed" it to affiliated radio stations over phone lines (later, via satellite).

We provide stations with programming (we've started calling it content) and they "pay" us with commercials on their stations which we, in turn, sell to advertisers. It's been a good business model. It's still a good model. But I wonder how current technology might affect that model. As silly and pointless as it sounds, let's forget the economics for a moment and think about how this process might work in a broad-band, wirelessly networked world.

Our reporter (we'll call her Lois Lane) is sitting in the back of a hearing room at the state capitol where a heated discussion on same-sex marriage is underway. She's connected to the Net and posting almost-real-time updates on what's happening to her network's weblog. When a fight breaks out between two of the state senators, she snaps a picture with her Treo 600 and posts it to the weblog. Things heat up, security is called. Lois IM's the webmaster and says she wants to stream live. Takes only a few minutes to get the encoders going. Order is restored and the hearing adjourned. In the hallway, Lois interviews the participants and records it on her small, hand-held video camera. She Blue Tooth's it over to her laptop...does a quick edit...and zaps it straight to the website. Scattered across the country (and in a couple of other countries)...a few thousand folks receive a fresh RSS feed on their news aggregators. Holy shit! A gay activist kicked the shit out of a state senator in Missouri. And there's video!

I'm not sure, but I think all of the technology for the above exists. We're just not there on the business model. Yet. Oh, and there were no radio stations in my scenerio. Will there ever be a time when people can receive text, audio and video on some mobile device that is not a transistor radio? Uh, yeah. We call it a mobile phone or PDA today. I'm not sure what we call it tomorrow but it probably won't be a radio. Before you start looking for a rope and a limb, know that I love radio. I grew up in a radio family. But I don't believe the essence of radio is transmitters and towers and FCC licenses. It's music and news and sports and interesting people with interesting things to say. How it gets from A to Z is less important every day.

Good trick.

This probably isn't a big deal to those that don't remember Nixon or Watergate but it's a little scary if you do. In his new book (I know, I know) John Dean --Richard Nixon's legal counsel who was jailed for his part in the Watergate scandal-- accuses the Bush administration of "trumping even the Nixon regime in secrecy, deception and political cynicism. It has created potentially the most corrupt, unethical and undemocratic White House in history." More. [via Drudge]

Exhibit A.

Hard evidence that I did go outdoors on this beautiful spring day. And more.

Celebrex, Nexium, Prevacid.

Why are the big drug companies advertising on network television? In many instances, they don't tell you what ailment the drug is supposed to help, and you can't get it without a prescription anyway. One of the hosts on the new, "liberal" radio network, Air America, offered a theory last week (I think it was Randi Rhodes).

If Pfizer or Eli Lilly is spending millions with your network, you'll be less likely to report negative stories about them. The purpose of the ads is not to move product, they've got that covered. It's to keep a leash on the news departments. I've been thinking about that for days, asking myself if it could really work. Of course it could. It has. It does.

Then I asked myself if it could happen at our company. We operate several radio news networks and during my 20 years with the company, there have been several instances where a big advertiser threatened to pull business if we didn't lay off or change a story. The owner of our company, who started as a reporter, didn't hesitate. Advertisers don't control editorial content. That happens in the newsroom. Period. Everybody back to work. It still gives me goose bumps to recall those very brief meetings in the corner office.

But the last few years have been a little tougher for our news networks and some of the players have changed. Would we take the same ethical/expensive stand today? Or would we try to find a way to "keep the business?" Search for a compromise. Would our news directors risk their jobs for this kind of journalistic principle? They've got house payments. What would I do?

It saddens me that I even wonder about these things. Ten years ago I could have said, with absolute certainty, we would tell the advertiser we would not, could not, be pressured. We'd stand by the story and live with the consequences. And it might still be true today. I hope so.

He has better haircut, I have a nicer shirt

During the first season of Seinfeld, one of the ladies at work kept telling me I looked a little like this guy on TV. I never thought so until I came across this lovely snapshot from the mid-70's. I know it's a stretch but it's either Jerry or Carrot Top.

Buffering.

The highly-promoted debut of author and comedian Al Franken's talk show, "The O'Franken Factor," on the new "Air America" radio network apparently set a record. Air America's VP/Marketing Leon Colaco says the network's website handled nearly 500,000 unique visitors in the 22-hour period between 7PM Wednesday and 5PM Thursday. (final numbers from Air America streaming provider RealNetworks will not be available until next week.) This might be the largest number of simultaneous listeners that Real had handled since ABC News's coverage of the 9/11 attacks on September 12, 2001, which hit 86,700 concurrent listeners. [More at RAIN]

Air Left

I listened to Air America several times --for a few minutes at time-- today. Not enough to form much of an opinion. Initial impressions: Sort of spooky hearing a talk show host wailing on the Republicans. After all these years of Rush, it just felt strange to hear someone so openly bashing the Republicans and Bush. (I know, I know, the liberal media blah, blah, blah). But I can't say I was much impressed with the execution. But, it's early. Sounds like Jeff listened more, and more thoughtfully, than I. (By my count, Jeff is on his third name for his weblog. I like this one.) Politics aside, Rush does radio very well. I suspect that has as much to do with his success as his views. I'll be surprised if the Air America folks can measure up. We'll see (hear).

Click. Click. Click.

David Wineberger says the Web is not a medium but, rather, a conversation. "Small Pieces, Loosely Joined." I am endlessly fascinated by how the Web connects us. Last year Dan Arnall completed his master's degree at Columbia University and is still living and working (part-time?) at CNN and MSNBC (or one of those cable channels). If anyone can be held responsible for my pathetic addiction to the Web, it's Dan. We are loosely joined.

"Just the other day I read your blog entry (Cozy) and noticed that the model home you mentioned was just a few blocks away in Tribeca. I hopped the train after work, saw the damn thing and talked to the architect. I even went so far as to pass it along to CNNfns Housing/Real Estate reporter. She went out and shot a segment that will air in the next few weeks.

I don't think blogging is about random voyeuristic pleasure. It's an acknowledgement that there is value in almost every thought and experience of the everyman not just self-appointed pundits or editors. You may not know it, but someone might just find something they need in what you blog: a CNN segment, a moment of laughter, sometimes even a sense of connection with someone they've never met."