smays.com

Reading corner.

For just a few minutes, following a brief shower, we got some of that strange light that made everything look a little unreal.

For the record

I'm the target demo for movies about mid-life crisis, but I thought Ground Hog Day was a much better Bill Murray movie than Lost in Translation.

Lucy: 7 Weeks.

House-training a new puppy builds character. Like computers, this experience teaches patience. While Lucy is not fully house-broken, she's well on the way. Sleeping through the night tolerated by Ripley (our other Golden). Next weekend I solo when Barb goes on firm retreat. A few new pix at Fotki. (Did I mention how good Fotki is?)

More Slick.

Viretta forwarded a piece from the Clarion Ledger (Jackson, MS) website about teenage blues phenom, Daniel "Slick" Ballinger. Not sure how long this link will stay active so read it now if you're interested. We're scheduled to see Slick on March 19 and I'll post my two cents.

Awful Truth #116.

I don't like kids. There. I said it. Some people don't like dogs or cats... I don't like kids. No need to get into all the reasons because it doesn't matter. This is a very socially unacceptable view but I suspect there are others who secretly share it. People with children must pretend they like your children so you will feel obligated to pretend you like theirs. As you might have guessed, I don't have children. And, I have been told countless times: "If you had children of your own, you'd feel differently." I think that's probably true. I have this theory that all parents undergo a molecular change the moment their children are born. This change in brain chemistry is what keeps them from murdering the little darlings in the first few months. Yes, I know I was a child once. That only supports my position. I'm willing to admit this is a serious flaw in my character and I'll work on it. And you can help me. When little Brad is screaming at the top of his lungs in the restaurant, take him outside. Or home. Don't bring Tiffanie to the Lord of the Rings unless she's old enough or well behaved enough to watch it quietly. If not, spring for a baby-sitter. I'm happy to pay property taxes to help educate America's children. Your job is to try to keep them from turning into drug dealers, priests, politicians and other dangerous adults. If you succeed in rearing a decent human being, send them around. I'd love to meet them.

And it's getting harder.

"In the end, everyone ends up with the people that are most like them that they can find." -- Eastern Standard Tribe (pg.110), Cory Doctorow

And no car chases

Glenn Lovell (Mercury News) reviews Mel's movie. Did I just miss them, or have there been no trailers for this movie?

New XM channel?

In a post titled The Death of Broadcast, Jeff Jarvis writes about Howard Stern, broadcast radio and government regulation and where it's all headed:

- Stern will engineer his firing from Viacom.
- Stern will sign with satellite, giving satellite the boost it needs to become a viable business.
- Buy satellite stock now. Sell radio stock now.
- Broadcast radio will quickly falter, losing attention to MP3s, satellite, and cellular broadcast. Broadcast radio will die. Consolidation won't kill it. Censorship will.
- Satellite will grow rapidly, getting more consumer revenue and ad revenue.
- Broadcast TV will suffer similar blows.
- Cable and satellite TV will grow.
- The bottom line: Any medium that can be government-regulated will shrink; any medium free of government regulation will grow.

Andy, Pat, Mel & Steve

What if God was one of us
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face what would it look like
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in jesus and the saints and all the prophets
From One Of Us by Joan Osborne

Andy Rooney on the Passion Of The Christ.

It doesn't seem right, but religion has been in the news a lot recently.

Pat Robertson says that God has spoken to him and told him that George W. Bush will be re-elected because he deserves to be.

Here's Pat Robertson's exact quote: "I think George Bush is going to win in a walk. I'm hearing from the Lord that it's going to be a blowout."

The movie by Mel Gibson called The Passion of the Christ is the other religious issue in the news. Everyone's talking about that. The question is whether the Jews killed Jesus Christ - who was Jewish, of course.

I hadn't wanted to say anything about this, because it seemed like a personal matter, but Pat Robertson isn't the only one who has heard from God.

I heard from God just the other night. God always seems to call at night. "Andrew," God said to me. He always calls me "Andrew." I like that.

"Andrew, you have the eyes and ears of a lot of people. I wish you'd tell your viewers that both Pat Robertson and Mel Gibson strike me as wackos. I believe that's one of your current words. They're crazy as bedbugs, another earthly expression. I created bedbugs. I'll tell you, they're no crazier than people, said God.

"Let me just say that I think I'd remember if I'd ever talked to Pat Robertson, and I'd remember if I said Bush would get re-elected in a blowout."

As far as Mel Gibson goes, I haven't seen his movie, 'The Passion of the Christ,' because it hasn't opened up here yet. But I did catch Gibson being interviewed by Diane Sawyer. I did something right when I came up with her, didn't I, added God. Anyway, as I was saying, Mel is a real nut case. What in the world was I thinking when I created him? Listen, we all make mistakes."

That is what God said to me. That's about all he did say to me because I'm sure God has a lot more important things to do than talk to someone on television.

My own question to Pat Robertson is this: The election looks as though it could be close, certainly not a blowout. If George W. Bush loses the election to a Democrat, will you become an atheist?

My question to Mel Gibson is: "How many million dollars does it look as if you're going to make off the crucifixion of Christ?"

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Halley thinks Bush screwed up.

Does he not realize they have mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, neighbors, bosses, co-workers, subordinates, fellow church-goers, colleagues within industries, just scores and scores of people who love them and honor them and value them, who feel violated now?

Backstage

My nephew Bob apparently made it backstage when Sheryl Crow performed in Dallas last November. One can only hope he thinks this is a cool thing. How nice that Kennett's Big Star is nice.

Five more proposed pieces of legislation supported by Mr. Bush

1. Protection of Words Fewer than Three Syllables Act
2. Bill to make the "High Five" the US's official greeting
3. National 'Everybody Wears Jeans' Day (March 14th)
4. The "Pretty Girls Shouldn't Act All Stuck Up" Amendment
5. Presidential proclamation that "California Must Apologize to Jesus (and It Has to Sound Like They Really Mean It)"

More 5ives

You think?

You gotta help me here with this gay marriage thing. A marriage between a man an a woman that hate each other's guts and cheat on each other...is somehow better, more... right, than a marriage between a gay or lesbian couple where both are committed and caring for 30 years.

Kennett Boy Makes Good.

John Wilder, my brother Blane and I played a good bit of pick-up basketball at the city park in Kennett. I'm ten years older and have not kept in touch. Today it was announced that John has been named president and chief executive of TXU Corp., effective immediately. TXU, I'm told, is the big Texas utility. John will be paid a base salary of $1.25 million, with incentives based on company performance. And he had a funky little lay up we called "The Waiter." Kennett is proud of you John. [Yahoo! Finance story, DFW Star-Telegram story]

Make a list.

When I read Merlin's 5ives, I come away convinced this would be a fun guy to know.

Lucy

We have a new member of the family. She'll live in the utility room for a while but will have full priveleges before long. Ripley is still a little uncertain about what this new creature means to her but will warm to her quickly. They grow quickly so we're taking lots of pictures.

Key West Notebook: Final Entry.

Aside from the wedding, Key West was lush vegetation... crowds... beautiful sunsets... Speedos...inter-species sex... and nice hotels. [Photos].

Bob London and the Rolling Trolls.

I got the impression Bob London is not his real name. He did sound British and mentioned that he was heading back to London soon. In mid-February (2004) he was performing on a street corner in Key West. Duvall Street was jammed and his plastic bucket was filling up with bills. Bob's shtick seemed to be "One Man Band." He has an assortment of instruments and...stuff, strapped to his back. He plays the drum (and rotates the Troll Dolls) with a cord that attaches to one shoe. He's got a harmonica, pipes, some kind of kazoo instrument. It's one of those "you have to see it" things. I bought one of his CD's and hope he doesn't mind if I share one his songs (All Along the Watchtower 4:54, 3.4 meg mp3).

Text vs. HTML email.

Six reasons why you should always opt for plain text email vs. HTML

No school lunch menus.

On March 1, XM Radio will provide local traffic and weather in 21 metos, including St. Louis. The Weather Channel is doing the weather and a company called TrafficPulse is doing the traffic. You can listen to a sample on the XM site. Since I got my XM Radio, my friends in "traditional" radio have dismissed it as an expensive juke-box service. "Besides," they pointed out, "they can't do local stuff like traffic and weather." Now when I drive in to St. Louis --or before I even start for St. Louis-- I can check the traffic situation. Any reason they couldn't hire some reporters in each market and provide local news?

Key West Wedding

Stephanie and Adam got married on February 13, 2004 (a Friday). The ceremoney was held on a beach in Key West about 20 feet from where I had been drinking all afternoon. It was a really nice wedding. This video clip (6 meg) might take a few minutes to download. Barb posted some still images at Fotki (a great site, BTW). Toko Irie provided the music.

2004 Tour of Homes

In June of 2002 I posted a piece about some of the houses we lived in while I was growing up, including our house at 500 Walter Street. It was a modest little two-bedroom across the street from the high school. A few months ago I started getting email describing unusual "modifications" by the current owners. The photos speak for themselves. I hope they enjoy the house as much as we did.

Attention Baby Boomers.

David Brazeal writes:

This is to inform you that the Vietnam War ended 30 years ago. Please refrain from referring to this event in political discourse, except as it shapes our continued effort to frustrate the goals of world domination by our Cold War opponent, the Soviet Union.

It has been called to our attention that this war shaped your worldview when you were young, impressionable and intoxicated by hope and marijuana. While we understand your obsession, we can no longer tolerate it. Thus, we shall treat any continued prattling in the same way you treated the prattling of your grandparents, who spoke of The Great War ad nauseum between longing remembrances of FDR--with rolled eyes and involuntary commitment to a group home. Thank you for your consideration.

David was born in 1969 so he was a teenager in the mid-eighties. I just spoke with him on the phone and asked what he considered the defining event of his generation. The best he could come up with was Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun."

Cell Dogs.

Animal Planet's Cell Dogs makes me believe there is hope for all humans. Inmates work with dogs, training them to assist the physically challenged, the elderly, etc. I love dogs and shows about prisons. My kind of TV show.

Blues Groupies.

Nancy and Viretta have been raving about Daniel "Slick" Ballinger (Real Blues played Real Lowdown) for months. Viretta knows something about music and they both know something about drinking and hanging out in bars so when they say this guy is the real deal, I'm inclined to listen. For reasons unknown, he's going to be playing in Kennett March 19th so we better go give slick a listen. You can hear some of of his stuff here.

Or wherever your final destination may be

I really hate flying. I hate everything about it. The short list includes:

* The shitty little bags of pretzels
* The chemical smell of the toilets
* The morons that refuse to check the baggage and slow the boarding process to a crawl as the park their fat asses in the aisle trying to shove stuff into the overheads. These same dumb-asses can't grasp the concept of "wait until we reach the gate before standing up and pulling your shit back out."

Air travel makes me resent people in wheelchairs...and old women on walkers...and children. Funerals and weddings of loved ones will get me on a plane again but it will be an act of duty and obligation. If I don't look like I'm having fun when I get where I'm going it's probably because I'm not.

Yes, Key West was warm and beautiful. And only a real party-pooper would complain about getting there and back. But the math doesn't work for me. I need 100 hours of fun for every hour of travel time, and I never get it. And I never will. Let's try this. I'll spend a weekend on the beach with you for every weekend you spend sitting next to me while I surf the web. Come on, it'll be fun.

So I won't forget.

"Do what you're supposed to do. And don't worry about the fruits. They'll come on their own." From the Bhagavad Gita (Hindu holy book)

Lucy

That's the new pup's name. We pick her up this coming weekend. She'll be doing her business on the Wall Street Journal until house broken. If images of puppies make you queasy, you might want to stop back by in a month or two.

Key West Notebook: Day Two.

The wedding came off pretty close to perfect. Great weather. I think I have great photos. But every person there had a digital camera. Reminded me of the story of the bus full of Japanese tourists that were held up a gun point. They caught the guy 10 minutes later because they have more 500 photos of him. The little Casio continues to amaze. Grabbed a couple of video clips. The "sunset" configuration adjusted for lighting in a way that I never could have. I'm more convinced than ever that any camera that doesn't (comfortably) fit in your pocket probably won't get used.

Key West Notebook: Day One.

Swarms of tourists. Many international. Why would someone from Germany or Spain come to Key West? Still no luggage so I had to buy a pair of very exotic underpants that will require at least one pair of socks for a proper fit. Watch this space for video and pix of Bob London and the Rolling Trolls.

Key West Notebook.

About 12 degrees when we left Kansas City. Then Atlanta. Then Ft. Lauderdale. Then Key West. Luggage didn't make it. Left Ft. Lauderdale just after sundown in small 10-seater. Looking back at the lights of the city brought back memories of all the John D. novels where Travis jumped or was thrown overboard (I don't think he ever fell overboard.) Toasty warm upon arrival.

Blog Break.

Barb and I are heading to Key West for a few days so this space will be blank. Leaving the notebook at home for the first time in a long time. My cousin Ronnie and his deer hunting buddies are house sitting so they can site their new rifles in our woods. Ronnie insists on bringing his pit bull, Lester, so I'm sure to lose at least one shoe. Watch this space for photos of alternative livestyles.

Assignment.

If you live in Kennett and have a digital camera, please stop by 500 Walter and take some photos. Be sure to get the structures (pigeon coops?) in the back yard. And I need a good, clear shot of the (unknown) in the front yard. An interview with the new owners is optional. Email images to stevemays@Hotmail.com.

I got it.

It is 1958. July. About dusk. I'm standing in deep centerfield of the baseball diamond at Jones Memorial Park. I can hear music coming from the ice cream place across the street, behind me. I'm not really daydreaming but I'm not completely focused on the game, either. I might be closer to the ice cream place than to home plate.

A sharp "crack" yanks me back to the game. The crowd is yelling and looking in my direction. But up. A high, fly ball is coming my way. I frantically search the sky. If I don't get a visual lock on the fly ball, it could land at my feet. It could smash into my face and kill me. I spot it. Coming straight down. It seems almost motionless, just getting larger and larger. There's no time to raise my glove hand but I manage to get it open at my waist. Two thousand miles to the west, another Mays is standing in centerfield, Candlestick Park, executing a far more relaxed version of this same maneuver.

Back at Jones Memorial Park, the ball ricochets off my bony, ten-year-old chest and into my glove. Because of the distance and the angle, the crowd sees only Mays, in deep centerfield, making a perfect "basket catch." But we're not related.

The Merry-Mobile Man

I think Frank Proctor made me memorize the state capitols and all of the U. S. presidents (I no longer know either). One summer he started his "Merry Mobile" business. He drove up and down the streets of Kennett selling frozen treats. He was also the junior high basketball coach and one of my greatest achievments was "making" the team. I loved playing basketball in the back yard but was terrible at the real thing. I warmed benches through the 10th grade before hanging up my Chuck Taylors and rediscovered the joy of the game at the city park. The Web cannot be complete without this photo of the Kennett Junior High Basketball Team.

Back Row: Terry Hunter, Mike Shipman, Robert Taylor, Phil Ayers, Buddy Shivley, Jerry Bird, Otis Mitchell, Randy Carter, Brett Baker. Front Row: Tommy LaTurno, Lee Hicklin, Ben Pickard, Larry Hale, Bruce Baker, Steve Mays, John Robison, Tommy Saunches, Darrell Jackson, Tony Stewart.

Update: Thanks to Pat Jones Yankouski for pointing out that Lee Hicklin is NOT pictured above but is "very visible and lives in Virginia Beach VA." 8/30/05

Florida's officials threaten journalists who ask for documents.

Nearly half of Florida county officials tested disgraced themselves last week, when journalists posing as average Americans attempted to retrieve government documents under Florida's open access laws. 43 percent of the county bureacrats stonewalled, threatened, cajoled and gave the run around to the journalists who participated. More (plus link) at Boing Boing

He sounds a lot smarter without pictures or sound.

Transcript of Tim Russsert's "Meet the Press" interview with President George W. Bush.

And you can spray paint your name on them.

Intellectuals that we are, Barb and I also spent a few minutes wondering how water towers work. The answer can be found on that wonderful website/book; How Stuff Works.

But somebody's gotta do it.

One of the ten thousand billboards blighting Interstate 70 reads: Homicide, Suicide, and Accidental Death Remediation. Barb and I speculated about the services provided and she got it first try. I couldn't get past, "Who the hell would be willing to do such a job?" I found the answer on their website:

"It's a job no one else wants to do: cleaning up human blood and tissue and getting rid of the stench that often follows death. But a Menifee mother and daughter have started a business to do just that. Calling their business Crime & Trauma Scene Specialists, Debbie Haar and her mother, Shirley MacNeill will clean up homicide or suicide scenes, homes where someone has died a natural death or even what they call "pack-rat" homes that need special care. The two are also trained to do extensive cleaning of medical offices and funeral homes and can remove tear gas or pepper spray from inside buildings."

Toasty.

The house we live in has lots of things that the house I grew up in did not. Garage. Basement. Upstairs. But one of the things I enjoy most is the fireplace. Now, you can enjoy it, too. [30 second video. 2.4 meg]

Madness and betrayal.

"Art is a member of the Eastern Standard Tribe, a secret society bound together by a sleep schedule. Around the world, those who wake and sleep on East Coast time find common cause with one another, cooperating, conspiring, to help each other out, coordinated by a global network of Wi-Fi, instant messaging, ubiquitous computing, and a shared love of Manhattan-style bagels. Or perhaps not. Art is, after all, in the nuthouse. He was put there by a conspiracy of his friends and loved ones, fellow travelers from EST hidden in the bowels of Greenwich Mean Time, spies masquerading as management consultants who strive to mire Europe in oatmeal-thick bureaucracy. Eastern Standard Tribe is a story of madness and betrayal, of society after the End of Geography, of the intangible factors that define us as a species, as a tribe, as individuals." Amazon review of Eastern Standard Tribe by Cory Doctorow. Or you can read it for free.

It was a dark and stormy night

William Gibson --touring to promote the paperback release of Pattern Recognition-- was interviewed by Leo Laporte on Tech TV's The Screen Savers. Leo asked some good questions, including one about Gibson's creative process. Gibson said he did not work out the plot in advance and wrote from day to day with no idea of what would happen next. He said he waited for the first sentence and everything grew ("fractally") from that. And he would never consider going back to edit that first sentence because the story would (I think he said) "collapse."

"The ghost was her father's parting gift, presented by a black-clad secretary in a departure loung at Nirita." -- Mona Lisa Overdrive

"I put the shotgun in an Adidas bag and padded it out with four pair of tennis socks, not my style at all, but that was what I was aiming for: If they think you're crude, go technical; if they think you're technical, go crude." -- Burning Chrome

"Through this evening's tide of faces unregistered, unrecognized, amid hurrying black shoes, furled umbrellas, the crowd descending like a single organism into the station's airless heart, comes Shnya Yamazaki, his notebook clasped beneath his arm like the egg case of some modest but moderately successful marine species." -- All Tomorrow's Parties

"After Slitscan, Laney heard about another job from Rydell, the night security man at the Chateau." -- Idoru

"The courier presses his forehead against layers of glass, argon, high-impact plastic." -- Virtual Light

"They set a Slashhound on Turner's trail in New Delhi, slotted it to his pheromones and the color of his hair." -- Count Zero

"The sky above the Port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel." -- Neuromancer

"Five hours' New York jet lag and Cayce Pollard wakes in Camden Town to the dire and ever-circling wolves of disrupted circadian rhythm." -- Pattern Recognition

Campaign news with all the carbs.

electablog tag line: "C-Span meets the Daily Show meets the little girl from Whale Rider meets Dennis Miller before he lost his mind." I wanted to punch that little girl from Whale Rider and C-Span puts me right to sleep. But I really like Dennis Miller.

The World's Greatest Bar Band

The Shilo was a honky-tonk. Like a dozen other in Kennett at the time. But when Don Akers brought his band back to Kennett and became the "house band," The Shilo was something more. It was Hot & Nasty and The Disco King. It was Foosball. And when Don and Suzy and the band took the stage... it just rocked.

Seemed Like A Good Idea at the Time #187

A career with the U.S. Postal Inspection Service.

Show us your tits! Again! Again!

TiVo says the Janet Jackson boob shot was the most replayed moment not only of the Super Bowl but of all TV moments that the young company has ever measured.

Seemed Like A Good Idea at the Time #236: Long Hair

The photo above was taken on a Memphis street corner in the 70's. Charlie Peck posed Barb and me with an itinerant street musician. The resemblence to prop comedian Carrot Top is disturbing. [This post was edited on 8/3/05]