smays.com

I feel the need for speed

Did you know Tim Robbins was in Top Gun? I didn't and I bet I've seen that movie (1986) ten times. I spotted him in a crowd scene on the carrier deck after Tom has spashed the four migs. Internet Movie Database lists his character as Merlin. I just don't remember that being a speaking part. IMDB lists half a dozen earlier credits, including one of the assasins in Network.

What was I going to say? Oh, I finally got DSL (ADSL to be precise). For the past two years I've been paying $100 a month for an ISDN account (128kbps). The DSL is four times as fast for half as much. Life is good at 512kbps. For the last two days my digital life has been flashing through my head. 2400 baud modems. Logging on to my first BBS. 4800 baud modems. CompuServe. 9600 baud modems. Surfing the pre-graphic Web with something called Lynx (?). Mosaic (I thought the grey background was cool). 28.8 modems. Can a Neuromancer be far behind?

The Office-cam is back.

By the time real, working walkie-talkies arrived, I was too old to play with them. But I wanted some. I loved the idea of being able to talk --wirelessly-- to a friend, even if you had nothing to say. I feel the same way about webcams. There's nothing going on in my office that anyone would care to see. That it is possisble is what I find so... cool. Sorry, that's the only word for it. I'm going to do some research on this. Check back.

Brandon's blogging.

Who knew that someone that tall would have interesting things to say?

Minority Report

I really wanted Minority Report to be a good movie. Directed by Steven Spielberg...based on short story by Philip K. Dick (as was Blade Runner). What I came away with were some very good scenes that --somehow-- just didn't add up to a great movie.

The doctor that replaced John Anderton's eyes ("Don't scratch!"). The scene in the green house with the co-creator of Pre-Crime was fine (the actress also played Helen Hunt's "Aunt Meg" in Twister). Did you recognize Gideon, the wheel-chair bound jailer? Tim Blake Nelson from O' Brother Where Art Thou?

Just help me with this... after living in the pool for all those years, why weren't Agatha's fingers all wrinkled? I'm gonna rent the DVD in hopes it includes the behind-the-scene I really want to see. When they bring in the chair for Tom Cruise to stand on so he can be eye-to-eye with Max Von Sydow ("Somebody give Mr. Curise a boost up there, will you please?") Surely they didn't make Max Von Sydow get on his knees or stand in a hole or something.

I think it's just very hard to make a good science fiction movie which might be why it's rarely attempted. Go see Minority Report but stop by Block Buster on the way home and pick up 12 Monkeys.

Mark Cuban on Webcasting

(by way of Doc Searls). I met Mark Cuban --briefly-- during the early days of Audio.net (which later became Broadcast.com). He met us at a Kansas City hotel to pitch us on the idea of letting him stream some of our sports broadcasts. We did a deal -- not a very good one-- but passed up a chance to purchase 10% of his fledgling company. I came away thinking he was too slick by half. But he sure had balls and a lot of confidence and now he has billions and an NBA team. And, as Doc Searls points out, Cuban is fearless. Check out what he told Kurt Hanson about the Yahoo/RIAA deal he put together before leaving Yahoo.

Serious fat.

"Sometimes it's hard to take fat seriously. It's embarrassing to think that this is one of our super power's biggest problems - we make the Romans look like extras in an Ab-Roller infomercial." [via evhead]

Younger than the pope

Nancy sent me to the Age Guage [dead link] where I learned some disturbing things. I'm only six years younger than Ann-Margret and I'm the same age as Ted Danson. I was 13 when The Sound of Music was released and just 11 when Ben-Hur hit the theaters (Hawaii was admitted as the 50th of the United States that same year). I was 5 years old when TV Guide debuted nationally and 9 when Leave It to Beaver first aired (was the Beav nine, as well?). All pretty depressing.

On the up side... I was 15 when the Beatles appeared live for the first time on the Ed Sullivan Show and it was a very big deal for teenagers. I was 17 when 8 track tape players were first offered in 1966 Fords. Before that you listened to whatever the radio station was playing or nothing.

The Age Gauge is not for sissies.

Better than hanging up.

Douglas Rushkoff is a best-selling author (Ecstasy Club and Exit Strategy, among others) which I would have thought somehow insulated him from annoying telemarketing calls. Guess not. He says he used to get rid of them by shouting, "I'm bleeding!" and hanging up. He has a new technique I can't wait to try.

I confess to being a little nuts on the subject. I once told a telemarketer that I had just caught my wife and next door neighber in bed and had to hang up so I could kill them both. "Don't do it, buddy. They're not worth it. Believe me, I know," pleaded the telemarketer.

While returning from a neighbor's house later that evening, I passed sheriff's deputy going the other way. Seems the telemarketer had gone a little beyond his prepared script and called the law.

I once asked the telemarketer if his mother knew what he was doing? "Yes, she's very proud of me," he insisted. "No, she's not," I explained. "She's mortified by what you do but doesn't love you enough to tell you the truth." A supervisor came on the line and chewed my ass for abusing her guy. "See what you've come to?" I told the young man... "your supervisor loves you more than your own mother."

Other resources:
Tom Mabe's Revenge on the Telemarketers
How to Handle Telemarketers
www.fightTelemarketing.com
More links.

"What We're Doing When We Blog."

I don't think much about it but Meg Hourihan does. It was one of several interesting links from Rick Bruner.

Father's Day

I probably would have missed Father's Day if I had not heard that wonderful Cat Steven's song (Father and Son) on XM. Happy Father's Day, John.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

Goobertown, Arkansas

It's in the northwest corner of the state. I passed through a couple of weeks ago. Seems unlikely you'll find anyone claiming to be from Goobertown. They've got a Christmas tree farm.

Update/October 21, 2007: I was wrong. The citizens of Goobertown are a proud people. And well they should be.

Update/September 30, 2007: I added this image because --five years after the original post-- I get a lot of visits from Google searches on "Goobertown."

500 Walter Street

I sold the family home this week. Not really a home for the last few years, but the place my brother and I grew up. I actually remember some of the places we lived before Evelyn persuaded John it made more sense to own than rent. I think they paid about $5,000 for the house back in the early 50's. Probably paid $50 a month for 30 years. Evelyn had our trash guy plant a couple of little sycamore trees and they grew to 70 foot monsters before John had cut down because he got tired of "having leaves all over the yard." Evelyn was gone by then.

50 years at 500 Walter Street boiled down to set of mis-matched golf clubs; a box of trophies (Blane's); some really heavy high school year books; a set of 78 RPM records from the 40's; a couple of pounds of mold and mildew; and a lifetime of memories. Everyone kept asking me if it was difficult to sell the house in which our family had lived all those years. I said no and that was more true than not. But for two days I kept hearing Peter, Paul and Mary singing The House Song.

This room here once had childish laughter
And I come back to hear it now and again
I can't say that I'm certain what you're after
But in this room, a part of you will remain.

Tattooed lawyers

Barb had a little cook-out yesterday. Lawyers, paralegals, support staff... sitting around on the deck eating chicken wings and drinking beer. I noticed that one of the associates had a Grateful Dead tattoo on her ankle. I beleive she said she got it on a trip to London. I started wondering if a lot of lawyers had tattoos. While I couldn't find any hard data, I did find "What are lawyers wearing under their briefs? The long-awaited American Jurist skin issue!" on the American Univesity Washington College of Law site.

While Googling around for tattooed lawyers, I came across Tattoos.com and spent a few minutes looking at celebrity tattoos where I learned that Sean Penn has (had?) a Madonna tattoo. Had Angelina Jolie called Sean, he might have talked her out of the "Billy Bob" number. Why would anyone with a prenuptial agreement think they're committed enough for a tattoo?

Mike Tyson has Mao's face on his right arm and a picture of his frist trainer --Cus D'amato-- on his left arm with the words Days of Grace above. Don't you just know there is a good story behind Mike getting that Mao tattoo? Did Mike ask the tattooist, "Let me thee thum revelutionary leaderths."?

Mario Van Pebbles chose to have "Cut on dotted line" tattooed on his neck. When you're shit-faced, everything is funny.

I expected to see more cartoon character tattoos but didn't find them on Tattoos.com. One more Google search found George Reiger, the self-proclaimed "No. 1 Walt Disney fan" who has 844 Disney tattoos, including 103 Dalmations on his back ("We were in a rush and lost count."). Roger also has Pinocchio's whale on his stomach and Snow White graces his shoulder blades.

In a few years, a lot of folks in nursing homes will have tattoos, an endless source of amusement for the staff. "I'm here for your sponge bath Mr. Tyson. Oh, I see you have a Mao Tse-tung tattoo. We're you member of the Chinese Communist Party? Okay, turn over."

I did see one tattoo that I thought might be fun, timeless and practical.

360 months.

Have we talked about Carol yet? Some years ago Carol started greeting friends she had not seen in a while with the number of months (actuarially speaking) they could expect to live. "Steve, how have you been? You've got more than 300 months left, that's great!" According to the IRS Life Expectancy Table , I have 29.5 years left but that sounds much longer than 360 months. You'd think Carol would have few visitors but she shares her macabre calculations with such warmth and enthusiasm, it's not as depressing as you'd think. I think it's because she never expected any of us to get this far.

If you'd rather not travel to Kennett, Missouri, to find out how much time you have left, you can find what you need online. The Life Expectancy Calculator will "calculate your future life expectancy based on a mortality table for retired individuals." Less, I would think. The Living to 100 Life Expectancy Calculator was designed to "translate what we have learned from studies of centenarians and other longevity research into a practical and empowering tool for individuals to estimate their longevity potential." Roy said it best in Blade Runner. I need more.

Summer Fun.

A school teacher invites co-workers to her home for an end-of-the-year pool party. One young woman gets thrown into the pool and hurts her leg. She sues the young man that tossed her in and the home owners. Home owners settle. One year later. Home owners decide to have another pool party. The young woman that brought the suit asks to be invited. But it gets better. She asks the woman she sued if she can borrow a swim suit. End of true story.

Pants on backward

In July of 1972 I got a job working at the local radio station. Jeff Wheeler showed me how to clear the AP wire. How to cue up a 45. How to watch the clock and read and do something with my hands, all at the same time. I worked with Jeff for about a dozen years and I never heard him raise his voice. One day while I was reading a newscast, he walked into the studio with his bright red golf pants on backward. He didn't jump around or say anything. He patiently waited until I noticed the zipper in the back. End of newscast. Jeff is still doing radio but these are not good times for him. I'm remembering --and looking forward to-- better days.

Are You A Good Girl?

Want to send that new grad out there with a feel for what's really waiting? Give him/her a copy of Sarah Montague's You Can Be Anything! From A to Z. An Anti-Inspirational Guide to Adulthood. They're all pretty good but here's a couple of my favorites:

Fiona is a Failure. Her husband left her for a younger woman. She wasn't good enough at making him happy and she wasn't pretty enough to make him stay. Are you good enough so people won't leave you?! (I hope so!)

Zeke is a Zookeeper. He works forty hours plus overtime at the zoo. He is very quiet and keeps to himself. The thinks the animals speak to him in a secret language. Like when the monkeys throw their feces, they might be saying, "Zeke, we like you best!" Do you like animals?