David Cain has 88 of these on his list. These are just my favorites.
“If you go home with someone, and they don’t have any books, don’t fuck them.” — John Waters
The main reason we argue online is because it feels good, but we like to imagine it’s also somehow noble or helpful.
The news doesn’t show you how the world is. It shows you whatever will make you watch more news.
Every generation thinks the one that came before them and the one that came after them are the worst.
We evolved to go days without food. Missing a meal shouldn’t be a big deal, but if you skip the odd lunch people will assume you have an eating disorder.
We are all atheists, in a sense. Every person denies the existence of either most or all of the gods that have been proposed.
When a party has degenerated into people showing each other their favorite YouTube videos, it’s time to call a cab.