All we need is (another) ending

I’m probably one of the last to hear about the guy that made a bet with his girlfriend that he could make a website that would get 2 million hits. If he fails, he admits he’s an idiot. If he gets the 2 million hits, his girlfriend will do a threesome with with another girl. The guy is obvisouly not an idiot because the site he created ( appealed to every horny geek on the Internet and there’s waaay more than 2 million of those. He’s passed 3 million hits and his girlfriend has conceded defeat. They’re now reviewing applicants for the trois of the menage.

The site looks legit but who knows. When Darin forwarded this link, all I could think of was the screenplay that jumped out of my inbox.

As you know, I’m a terrible casting director but I could see Jack Black (maybe Ben Stiller) as the geeky boyfriend. Perhaps Janeane Garofalo as the girlfriend. Not sure who should play the other woman but here’s my take on the story…

Starts off just like the "real" story. Guy wins the bet and starts putting photos of "other girl" candidates on his website. Which comes to the attention of a publicist for a rock (movie?) star whose career is starting to fade. The flack talks the star client into joining the threesome by putting together a movie deal that will jump-start her sliding career. (We’re talking movie-within-a-movie here, right?)

At first the geeky boyfriend is giddy with delight. He’s going to be in a movie where he has sex with his girlfriend and the star. But the star and the girlfriend become pals. Not lovers, but friends. As they begin to have fun with the whole idea, the boyfriend starts having second thoughts.

As regular readers know, this is where I run out of ideas… and my friend Kay bails me out with three or four really good, boffo endings. But you can play, too. Just click the comments link below.

PS: If this movie has already been made, let me know.

PPS: If this movie ever gets made, how pissed will I be?

PPS: Ooh, how about this. Starving (blocked) screenwriter scours the web looking for ideas. Comes across a blog where this smart, funny guy keeps posting movie idea without endings. The blocked writer is ass deep in good endings…steals the blogger’s plots…and sells them to Big Studio where they bescome megahits. The blogger recognizes his ideas on the big screen and road-trips to Hollywood to confront the (now wealthy) screenwriter. I think we might have two movies here. Any ideas on who should play me?

5 thoughts on “All we need is (another) ending

  1. SCREENPLAY #3: Let’s make her the ex-wife since I know you are a private person. But, since it’s you (in Real Life) writing the endings… I’d love to know how you get the fictional Kay from Des Moines to LA.
    I’m getting a real Adaptation headache trying to follow all of these threads.

  2. SCREENPLAY #3: The woman is actually his ex-wife. Or a biological sister -– separated at birth — yada yada yada. Or his lab partner in chemistry class when they were in high school. These scenarios are for how the screenplays fit together so well, they have either some shared past experience or shared genetics, see?
    As for an ending, pick one of those three potential women and I’ll work from there.
    Or maybe you’re suggesting it’s ME who is the woman. I wouldn’t mind living in southern California if I could live on the beach.

  3. Whoa. Yeah, that’s dark enough. I was thinking comedy, but I guess not.
    Okay, here’s screenplay #3:
    Man and woman meet and correspond online (I know, I know… You’ve Got Mail). He comes up with good ideas for screenplays but never has a third act. She can’t write anything BUT the big finish. He becomes Hollywood hot shot but she a) refuses to reveal her identity or b) where she lives. He gets million dollar advance on screenplay but –for reasons unknown– she fails to come through with Big Ending. He’s got to find her or give back the money. And then…and then… I don’t WHAT happens then. Kaaaay!

  4. Rock star’s publicist comes up with this idea when rock star is in rehab (ala Courtney Love, who would probably jump at the chance to be in this movie). Once out of rehab, Courtney meets the couple, the girlfriend is supportive, becomes an anchor for Courtney and Robert Downey, Junior (the ironically-cast boyfriend) feels left out and derails the shooting of the movie by going down a back alley and getting drugs for Courtney, who does drugs ON THE SET, gets hooked again and ends up in rehab. The couple’s relationship sours – because he has this huge guilt trip about his undisclosed role, Courtney’s suicide attempt and the film ends with the girlfriend sitting in Courtney’s darkened room in the rehab clinic, trying to talk her into living. How’s that for dark?
    In the other screenplay, I would NOT have Bill Murray play you because he would play the same guy he played in two recent films, Lost in Translation and Broken Flowers. Acting range be damned. I shall think on this one. Bob Hoskins? Too short. Daniel Craig? Yea, I like that. (He was in Layer Cake & Munich – haven’t seen Munich yet.) Must stop. Will stop. Stop.

  5. Great post. There is only one actor in the whole world who could possibly capture all of your pithy nuances…Bill Murray! Blog on!

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