Time Machine

A few years ago, a sale rep for our company asked to have a commercial written and producted in a ridiculously short period of time. My advice was something along the lines of:

Go down to the basement where we keep the Time Machine. Set it for two weeks ago. When you get back there, submit this work order and it’ll be ready by tomorrow.

Since then it’s become something of a running joke for a few of us at the office. Yesterday it occurred to me how much fun it would be to have a Time Machine in the basement. It would be the highlight of every tour. I don’t have the skills to build such a device but I have some ideas on what it should include:

  • Computer and monitor
  • Headphones
  • Analog date display (more fun than the monitor)
  • Flashing lights
  • Siren and/or horn
  • Levers (lots of them)
  • Switches (lots of them)
  • Seat belt (shoulder harness would be better)
  • Helmet (women probably won’t wear this or headphones)

And I sort of see this on a platform sitting on some huge coil springs, so there would be the slightest movement as you climbed into the seat. Which should be either an old dentist chair, or one of the old metal tractor seats with the holes in it.

What started as a gag could be a great marketing tool. A fun way to review significant moments in the company’s history. But we could also look into the future. This would be huge. I predict we’d have so much word-of-mouth on this, customers would be calling us, asking if they could visit and take a ride in the Learfield Time Machine.

So who could build such a thing? I have no dought some artist or sculptor has already created exactly what I’m looking for. But it’s in a museum or art gallary and damned expensive. My childhood friend RP could have built this in his prime. Not sure about today. He has the imagination and technical skills.

Joe Browning could design it but I’m not sure he could build it. He’s an architect in Santa Fe so he probably knows someone that could make this real. If you know of someone that could pull this off, put me in touch. Hell, I might even be able to get the Grownups at our company to come up with some dough. If not, we’ll have a series of car washes or ham and bean dinners and raise the money.

2 thoughts on “Time Machine

  1. This is just silly. Anyone who saw Napoleon Dynamite knows there’s no computer monitor on a time machine.
    But I’d like to borrow it, once it’s built, to do research on squirt cheese. And I’ll volunteer to write historical vignettes on Learfield.
    Oh, and one more thing — can you photoshop a prototype until the real thing gets built?

  2. I can’t build the machine, but you’ve certainly just talked me into ham ‘n beans tonight.
    Don’t forget to include a smoke machine, which will shoot small bursts from beneath the spring-loaded platform. Just a suggestion.

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